How to Stop Worrying
The first time I suggest this to a new client, I can almost always predict their reaction. Their eyes go a little wide. Sometimes they laugh. Let’s be honest, they almost always laugh. Not like “haha that was funny,” but more like, “haha you are not sane.” And then they say some version of: “What?”
Yes. That’s exactly what I’m suggesting. I know how it sounds maybe less than helpful. Stick with me, though.
When the client gives it a try, here’s what almost always happens: that same client comes back the following week and tells me it helped more than they expected. Sometimes a lot more. Because figuring out how to stop worrying isn’t about eliminating worry altogether. It’s more about learning to be the one in charge of when and how much it gets.
The Problem with Worry that Has No Address
There are infinite things to worry about in this life. If you’ve ever lain awake at 2am running through the full catalog — your finances, your kids, your health, that thing you said in a meeting three years ago (literally why do we replay old conversations?!) — you already know this. Worry has an extraordinary capacity to expand and fill whatever space you give it. It’s like kudzu (for those who don’t know, kudzu is an invasive plant you often see in the southern US, it can grow like a foot a day and it takes over everything).
The trouble with unscheduled, unconstrained worry is that it doesn’t stay in its lane. It bleeds into everything. It interrupts your dinner. It hijacks your morning. It shows up while you’re trying to be present with the people you love or focus on the work in front of you. Living on autopilot means worry gets to wander wherever it wants, whenever it wants and you’re just along for the ride.
Most people who struggle with chronic worry have tried to stop worrying by willpower alone. By telling themselves to think positive. By reminding themselves that worrying doesn’t help. All of that is true and none of it actually works. Telling an anxious brain to simply stop being anxious is a bit like telling a river to stop flowing. The water needs somewhere to go. In the history of time, just saying “stop it” has literally never worked.
What the Bible Says About How to Stop Worrying
Before we get to the practical skill, I want to ground us in something. Matthew 6:34 — one of the most quoted verses on worry — says: “Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”
Jesus wasn’t dismissing the reality of hard things. He wasn’t saying your concerns don’t matter or that planning ahead is wrong (legit see the rest of Scripture on those). He was pointing to something profoundly practical: the present moment is where your power actually lives. The worries of tomorrow, rehearsed today, don’t protect you from tomorrow’s trouble. They just steal today’s peace. And also, you aren’t in tomorrow yet. And yesterday has already happened.
Philippians 4:6-7 pairs the instruction “do not be anxious about anything” with a specific action: bring your concerns to God in prayer, with thanksgiving. That is not passive and it’s also not dismissive. That is not “just don’t worry.” It is an active, intentional practice of taking what is consuming you and placing it somewhere specific. Giving it an address. AKA, giving the worry water a place to flow that can actually handle it. Which is, interestingly, exactly what scheduled worry time does.
What Worry Time Actually Is
Worry time is exactly what it sounds like: a designated, time-limited window each day when you intentionally allow yourself to worry. You pick a time. Many people choose late afternoon or early evening, somewhere between the activity of the day and the wind-down of the night. You set a timer for no longer than 15 to 30 minutes. And during that window, you worry. Fully, freely, without trying to stop yourself or talk yourself out of it.
Have all the thoughts. Feel all the feelings. Let the concerns that have been circling all day actually land somewhere. Some people journal their worries and any emotions that come up. That’s worry time.
And then, when the timer goes off, you set it aside. You can imagine placing it in a box on a shelf, or handing it to God in prayer, or whatever mental image helps you create a boundary around it. And you return to the present moment.
The critical piece — the one that makes this actually work — is what you do throughout the rest of the day. When a worry arises outside of your designated window, you don’t engage it. You don’t push it away with white-knuckled willpower either. You simply acknowledge it: I hear you. You have a time and a place. I’ll get to you then. And you gently redirect your attention back to what’s actually in front of you.
Why This Works (The Science Behind It)
Worry time works because it does something that willpower alone cannot: it gives the anxious brain a legitimate outlet. Instead of trying to suppress worry, which tends to make it louder and more insistent, you are containing it. You are telling your nervous system: this concern will be addressed. It has a time and a place. It is not being ignored.
Research on mindfulness and anxiety consistently shows that one of the most effective ways to reduce the grip of chronic worry is not to eliminate it but to change your relationship with it. When worry has a designated container, it loses the power to colonize your entire day. You become intentional about when and how you engage with your concerns.
There is also something deeply regulating about the act of being one mindful — doing one thing at a time, fully present with just that one thing. When you give worry a window and then close the window, you create the conditions for genuine focus and genuine rest at all other times. The brain is remarkably responsive to structure and permission. Give it both, and it often surprises you.
I know this all may sound like utter poppycock, but I’ve worked with enough clients and run enough skills groups to have seen the results firsthand. And it’s a personal practice I’ve engaged in a long time.
How to Stop Worrying the Rest of the Day
The other side of worry time (the part that makes it a complete skill rather than just a 20-minute daily exercise) is learning to be one mindful in the hours outside your worry window. This is the practice of doing one thing at a time, fully present, without letting the undone worries of tomorrow crowd into what you’re doing right now.
One mindfulness is the antidote to the scattered, fragmented feeling that chronic worry produces. When we are worried, we are almost never fully present; part of us is always somewhere else, running calculations on things that haven’t happened yet. One mindfulness interrupts that pattern by anchoring you deliberately to what is actually in front of you.
This might look like washing the dishes and only washing the dishes. You notice the temperature of the water, the feel of the soap, the sound of the water running. Or having a conversation with your child and truly being present for it, not half-present while your mind drafts tomorrow’s to-do list. Or sitting in prayer and actually being there, rather than going through the motions while worry runs in the background.
It sounds simple. It takes practice. And it genuinely works. And look – to be clear – this is not gonna be easy every time and it’s not gonna go perfectly. That is okay. It’s a skill and meant to be one of many in your toolbox.
A Few Practical Tips for Getting Started
If you’re ready to try worry time, here are a few things that help it work well. First, choose your time intentionally. Avoid scheduling worry time too close to bedtime — you want enough time afterward to decompress before sleep. Late afternoon tends to work well for many people. I had one client that scheduled it before dinner. Worry time, then dinner time. That worked super well for her.
Second, use a timer and take it seriously. The timer is not a suggestion. It creates the container, and the container is what makes this skill work. When the timer goes off, worry time is over. You can write down any unfinished concerns to carry into the next day’s session and then close the window. Sometimes using visualization can be helpful in this regard. Imagine actually putting the worry away in whatever way works for you.
Third, be patient with yourself. If you’ve been a lifelong worrier, your brain has well-worn pathways leading straight to anxiety. Redirecting those pathways takes repetition. The first week may feel awkward. The second week may feel slightly less awkward. By week three or four, many people find it starting to feel more natural and they are genuinely surprised by how much calmer the rest of their day has become.
And finally, consider pairing your worry time with prayer. Bring what surfaces into your worry window directly to God. I’m not advocating a formula here. If you choose to journal during worry time, you can write worry prayers and lift the up to Jesus as you engage.
You Are Allowed to Put It Down
Here is the thing about learning how to stop worrying that I most want you to hear: you are allowed to put it down – the “it” being the worries. You are not being irresponsible by refusing to carry your worries every waking hour. You are not betraying the people you love by not rehearsing every possible way things could go wrong (this often comes from trauma and is a form of hypervigilance). You are not failing to trust God by choosing to be present right now instead of anxious about tomorrow.
The abundant life Jesus promises is not a life without hard things. Rather, it’s a life where hard things have their proper place, where they don’t get to occupy every room, every hour, every quiet moment. Worry time is one small, practical, surprisingly powerful way to begin reclaiming those spaces.
Give it a try this week. I think you might surprise yourself.
Next Steps
We know this skill is simple, but not always easy! Sometimes we need some support as we heal from or reubuid after trauma. If you need a little support with it, reach out to us for a free, 15-minute consultation. One of our fantastic therapist or coaches would be happy to help you build these skills and those new neural pathways that go with them!
Ready to break the anxiety cycle and find a more grace-filled way forward? Visit tabithawestbrook.com/online-courses to learn more about the Taking Every Thought Captive course series. Use code RESET24 for 80% off.
