Childhood Sexual Abuse: It Wasn’t Your Fault

⚠️ Content Warning

This post discusses topics including childhood sexual abuse (CSA), sexual violence, trauma, and suicidal ideation. Please prioritize your safety as you read. You are allowed to pause, walk away, or return another day. You are the only you that you have – we want you to care well for yourself.

In the movie Good Will Hunting one clip stands out above so many poignant moments in the film. Will (played by Matt Damon) and Sean (played by the late Robin Williams) are looking at Will’s file. As they discuss the abuse, Sean repeatedly says to Will, “It’s not your fault.” Over and over, as Will resists and then breaks down – Sean reminds Will “It’s not your fault.” Many movie goers sobbed with Will – because far too many understand what it’s like to feel like it is all your fault.

To that, and regarding childhood sexual abuse you experienced, we want to emphatically, much like Sean said to Will, “It wasn’t your fault.”

You may have trusted them. You may still have to see them. You may feel confused or ashamed. But hear us clearly: it wasn’t your fault.

It never was.

It never will be.

You were a child. You were meant to be protected. And we are so, so sorry that you weren’t.

When the Person Who Hurt You Was Supposed to Protect You

Sexual abuse within families shatters more than the body—it fractures your trust, identity, and sense of safety in the world. When a parent, sibling, or trusted relative becomes the perpetrator, survivors are left navigating betrayal, confusion, and a deep sense of loss.

You may still be trying to make sense of what happened. You may be carrying this story silently. But your voice matters. And you are not alone.

Childhood Sexual Abuse in the Home: A Hidden Epidemic

Sexual abuse is often underreported, especially when it happens within families. Many survivors don’t recall the abuse until adulthood—or ever. But the body remembers. There is a concept called “implicit memory” where there is a knowing without explicit remembering. Our brains, in order to protect our souls from being crushed by the abuse, can dissociate – or check out – in order to help us survive.

Here are some facts:

1 in 9 girls and 1 in 20 boys are sexually abused before the age of 18【5】
70% of all reported sexual assaults involve children or teens【5】
93% of victims know their abuser【5】

Childhood sexual abuse is not rare. It’s not your imagination. And it’s not your fault.

What Counts as Childhood Sexual Abuse?

Let’s be absolutely clear: a child cannot consent to any sexual activity. CSA is a crime—no exceptions.

Contact Abuse (where you were touched) Includes:

Fondling
Any form of sexual intercourse & penetration (oral, vaginal, or anal)
- Penetration may include sexual organs or body parts as well as the use of objects
Masturbation involving or in front of a child, including asking the child to masturbate the other party or him-/herself
Sex trafficking

Non-Contact Abuse Includes:

Exposing oneself to a child
Developmentally inappropriate conversations (in-person, via text, or online)
Possessing or distributing child sexual abuse material (CSAM) (this used to be called child pornography, but since children cannot consent, CSAM is the more appropriate term)

How Intra-Familial Sexual Abuse Happens

Perpetrators often gain access through trust—posing as loving relatives, mentors, or caregivers. Abuse is not always committed by adults. Siblings or cousins may also be perpetrators.

Common Grooming Tactics:

Creating secrecy: “This is our little secret”
Emotional manipulation: “I love you more than anyone”
Threats: “No one will believe you” or “You’ll get in trouble too”

These tactics silence victims and delay disclosure—sometimes for decades. They are also designed to make the victim feel either fear or complicit to the abuse – or both.

Understanding the Roles in Abuse Dynamics

The Survivor

Survivors often face a great deal of confusion and may experience:

Nightmares or flashbacks
Shame, guilt, or low self-worth
Anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts
Difficulty trusting others or enjoying life
Physical issues, like obesity or hypertension
Eating disorders
Compulsive sexual behavior and/or sexual anorexia

Fear of not being believed or “ruining the family” also often prevents survivors from coming forward. These fears are not unfounded—many survivors face blame, minimization, or outright denial.

The Family

Some families offer support and take action to stop the abuse and bring accountability to the perpetrator.

Others families, sadly protect the abuser, deny the abuse occurred, prioritize reputation or finances over justice, and blame the survivor.

These responses can retraumatize the survivor and deepen their pain.

The Abuser

Abusers may:

Offer gifts or praise to gain trust
Separate the child from others emotionally or physically
Cross boundaries gradually
Maintain control through secrecy and fear
Are often very likeable and my hold positions of power in the community or church

When confronted, they may deny everything and attempt to discredit the victim. Again, this is not your fault. Their choices are their own.

What is Traumatic Sexualization?

When abuse is a child’s first introduction to sexuality, it can create long-term confusion and shame. Survivors may:

Feel physically bonded to their abuser
Struggle with body image or sexual shame
Feel complicit because their body responded naturally – both girls and boys may have orgasms despite not wanting the sexual behaviors or stimulation. Physical responses do not equal consent. Your body is simply responding to how it was created to respond to sexual stimulation.

Recognizing the Signs of CSA

Physical Signs:

Unexplained injuries
Trouble sitting or walking
Genital pain or infections
Signs of pregnancy or STIs

Emotional Signs:

Anxiety or depression
Clinginess or fear of certain people
Guilt, shame, or secrecy
Suicidal thoughts or self-harm

⚠️ Around 20-22% of females who attempt or complete suicide have a history of CSA【1】.

Behavioral Signs:

Sleep disturbances or nightmares
Regression (e.g., bedwetting, thumb-sucking)
Aggression or withdrawal
Inappropriate sexual behavior or knowledge

If You’re a Survivor

You don’t owe anyone your story. But you absolutely deserve support and healing.

When you’re ready:

You have the right to set boundaries—even with family.
You have the right to safety.
You have the right to healing.
You deserve peace.
And – it was not your fault.

You Are Not Alone. There Is Help.

If you’re in crisis or need support now, these organizations offer 24/7 care:

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)
RAINN: www.rainn.org
Darkness to Light: Call 1-866-FOR-LIGHT or text “LIGHT” to 741741

Healing

Here at The Journey and The Process, we walk alongside survivors of complex trauma—including childhood sexual abuse—offering whole-person, evidence-based therapy to help you feel safe in your body, your relationships, and your faith again. We would love to come alongside you in your healing journey.