The Anatomy of Resolutions
Here we go… Every January, we’re invited (often pressured) to become a better version of ourselves overnight.
New habits. New body. New productivity. New spiritual disciplines.
All starting January 1. The amount of ads we get served on every platform is mind numbing.
For many people, especially those who’ve experienced trauma, chronic stress, or seasons of survival, New Year’s resolutions may not inspire hope. They can quietly activate shame, rigidity, and self-criticism. I’m pretty sure self-criticism is exactly the opposite of self-compassion. Ick. All the ick.
If you’ve ever felt like resolutions set you up to fail, you’re not broken. You’re actually just being honest with yourself. In fact, the stats are that most people abandon resolutions within just a few weeks of the start of the year. Have you ever gone to the gym at the beginning of January and barely been able to find a treadmill because it feels like everyone and their cat is there? Then by February it’s a ghost town and a tumbleweed goes rolling by… I rest my case.
The Hidden Problem with Resolutions
Resolutions tend to rely on a few assumptions. Heck, we’ll just call them myths…
- That change happens best through willpower
- That motivation is constant
- That progress is linear
- That failure means you didn’t try hard enough
From a trauma-informed lens, these assumptions don’t hold up. Frankly, they’re just bunk.
Our nervous systems don’t change through pressure. In fact, pressure makes us shut down. We actually change through safety, repetition, and self-compassion.
For many, resolutions unintentionally recreate familiar dynamics:
- Control instead of curiosity
- All-or-nothing thinking
- Internalized criticism
- Disconnection from the body’s cues
When a goal is rooted in fixing yourself, it often deepens the very patterns you’re trying to escape. And the ads all perpetuate that – if you just [fill in the blank] then your life will be perfect or better or whatever.
Intention is Different than Resolution
Where resolutions demand outcomes, intentions invite relationship.
An intention isn’t about forcing change. It’s about choosing how you want to be with yourself as life unfolds.
Resolutions say:
“I will do this every day no matter what or I’m a failure.”
Intentions say:
“This is how I want to show up and who I want to be, even when things are hard.”
Intentions are flexible, responsive, and rooted in self-compassion. They allow for bad days, nervous system limits, grief, illness, and unpredictability – because those are part of being human.
What is Mindful Living, Really?
Mindful living isn’t about constant calm, perfect habits, or emptying your mind. You won’t just be sitting on a sunny rock meditating. It’s actually a whole lot more active than we often think.
It’s about:
- Noticing what’s happening inside you without judgment
- Listening to your body instead of overriding it and being curious about what it’s saying
- Responding instead of reacting, which means slowing down a bit
- Staying connected to the present moment, even when it’s imperfect, which means learning to surf your emotions
For trauma survivors, mindfulness is rooted in invitation to a new path or the deepening of what you’re learning as you heal. It begins with safety, not silence.
Mindful living might look like:
- Pausing to ask yourself a gentle question before just pushing through exhaustion
- Choosing rest without “earning” it – God created Sabbath for you with an invitation to rest
- Naming emotions instead of bypassing them – we often say “name it to tame it” because naming it actually reduces its intensity
- Practicing presence in ordinary moments – creating a rhythm of checking in and being right where you are and taking the time to notice it
This is slow work. And it’s deeply regulating for your nervous system. That regulation actually helps you better move toward any goals you have. Setting and meeting goals isn’t bad or wrong, it just takes a different approach sometimes.
How to Set Intentions that Support Healing
Instead of asking “What should I change about myself?”
Try asking:
- What does my nervous system need more of this season?
- What helps me feel a little safer, steadier, or more connected?
- What would it look like to be kinder to myself?
Examples of Trauma-informed Intentions
- “I intend to listen to my body’s signals with curiosity.”
- “I intend to move toward rest instead of away from it.”
- “I intend to notice moments of goodness without rushing past them.”
- “I intend to respond to myself with compassion, not correction.”
- “I intend to move toward any goals with compassion and allow for starts and stops when they’re needed.”
These intentions don’t expire if you miss a day when you’re trying to move toward a goal. They meet you exactly where you are and actually provide fuel for continuing to move forward.
A Faith-integrated Perspective (If This Matters to You)
For those who hold a Christian faith, intention-setting aligns beautifully with a theology of grace over performance. It’s not that performance doesn’t matter, it’s just not really the end goal at times. To perform well, we start from Who’s we are – our identity in Christ. That actually provides fuel for doing things. Trying to go in reverse doesn’t work at all.
Scripture repeatedly invites awareness, presence, and trust, not frantic self-improvement. God’s work in us is often slow, embodied, and relational. Healing and growing is not a checklist. It’s a journey of becoming more fully alive.
If the New Year Feels Heavy
You don’t need a new version of yourself. You may need more permission to be human. Set pace and then consider intention and goals.
If resolutions have felt harmful or hollow, it may be time to choose a different path, one rooted in intention, mindfulness, and true nervous system care. As we say often, “You are the only you that you have.”
At The Journey and The Process, we support clients in this kind of healing and growth every day: whole-person, trauma-specialized, and deeply respectful of your story.
Next Steps
If you need to take a step toward rest and viewing the new year in a different way, we invite you to our in-person women’s retreat, Refreshed, on Saturday, 07 February 2026. There you’ll find community, care, and skills that will carry you through 2026 in a whole new way. This one is gonna fill up, so register today!
If you’re reading this and thinking, “I have no idea how to do any of this stuff, let alone set a goal” our amazing therapists and coaches would love to help you. Reach out today for your free-15 minute consultation to see if counseling or coaching with us is right for you. We can get you scheduled with one of our amazing providers and you can begin a whole new journey is 2026.
