Written by Jo Natividad, LCMHC
When the Holidays Don’t Feel Merry
Christmas is supposed to be a time of wonder and joy, but for many of us it dredges up pain from a lifetime of struggle, or a single memory that still feels like a deep wound. Sometimes the trees, the bells, and the rituals feel less like comfort and more like being wrapped in a box of shame and fear. The holidays can just be hard, even for the folks who genuinely love the season.
And honestly, even without a history of familial or relational trauma, the sheer number of activities and expectations can feel overwhelming. We carry mixed emotions this time of year. The grief of loss. The dread of showing up and not “measuring up.” The pressure that anxiety adds to every small decision. Then add in some complicated family relationships that have to be navigated and it can hang on us like tinsel on a tree – bright, noticeable, and sometimes too heavy.
So how do we cope?
There isn’t one single answer, and I won’t pretend this season can be made simple when there are complexities, but as a licensed therapist and registered yoga teacher who works with trauma daily, I can say with confidence: embodied movement helps ease the tension of this season.
Why Am I Activated?
Let me paint a familiar picture. You’re sitting at your childhood table, in your parents’ home, and suddenly you can’t catch your breath. Your heart is pounding. You can hear it in your ears. You feel cold. You want to be anywhere but at that table.
Has this happened to you?
It’s happened to me.
I remember sitting across from my father as he talked about military rankings. Something in his tone, his posture, the smell of the room, or even the tradition of eating turkey with him made my body feel unsafe. But I felt this pressure to act like everything was fine; to nod, smile, and pretend nothing bad had ever happened. I was in survival mode, white-knuckling my way through the holiday. All I wanted was for it to be over.
So, what was happening?
One concept I often talk about with clients this time of year is holiday survival mode. When we focus solely on “getting through it” as quickly and quietly as possible during the holiday season and gatherings. We numb ourselves, shut down, or push ourselves past capacity.
Trauma Lives in the Body
It’s held in the nervous system and woven through our internal structures. In my story, my body remembered something my mind didn’t want to think about. It responded with fear, tension, and breathlessness, not because I was weak or dramatic, but because my body was trying to protect me.
As frustrating as that experience felt at the time, I’m now grateful my body is designed to warn me when something feels off, even if that warning is inconvenient.
The Somatic Perspective
We have an incredible structure running through our entire body that helps regulate our nervous system. Think of it as an internal safety switchboard, constantly sending signals between your brain and your body, trying its best to keep you safe.
But when you’ve lived through trauma, or you’re simply overwhelmed by the holiday chaos, this switchboard can get overloaded. It starts sending out false alarms, even when you’re not in danger. And those false alarms can feel unfair and confusing.
Often, we don’t even realize we’re triggered. We just feel “off.”
For example, hypervigilance often gets brushed off as “overthinking.” But hypervigilance isn’t just thinking too much. It’s being stuck on alert with no clear way out. It shows up as scanning the room, rethinking conversations, planning for every possible reaction, or feeling jumpy and irritable. And the holidays can be one big pressure cooker for this.
Somatic work honors this truth:
Your body is part of your healing.
By listening to the body’s signals, we can help create new patterns, ones rooted in safety, not survival.
How Embodied Movement Helps Ease Holiday Tension
So where does embodied movement fit in? Movement does more than stretch your muscles or “burn off stress.” It supports healing in five powerful ways:
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- It helps regulate and ground your nervous system.
- It gives your body an outlet for stored tension.
- It restores a sense of agency (which increases safety).
- It slows reactivity, giving you space to breathe.
- It reconnects your mind and your body.
- It helps you focus by sending more oxygen to your brain.
When you shift from frozen to gentle, embodied movement, you’re signaling to your system:
Hey, it’s okay. We can move. We have choices.
And choice is everything when you’ve lived through trauma or when you feel overwhelmed.
Think of the moments when you danced because you felt joy.
Or when you rocked back and forth without thinking, simply because you needed comfort.
Those movements weren’t random, they were your body taking care of you.
Embodied movement becomes a portable safe space we carry with us, something we can access anywhere, even in the middle of a holiday gathering that feels overwhelming.
Gentle Holiday-friendly Practices
Let’s imagine a very real holiday moment. You’re at the table across from someone who’s hurt you. Your kids are tearing through the gifts you wrapped for days. You haven’t slept because you had to pack everyone for a 12-hour drive. The kitchen is a disaster. And all of this comes after two straight months of preparation that started sometime around Halloween.
You’re exhausted. And your nervous system is flipping every internal switch trying to protect you.
But you don’t have time to shut down.
So what now?
Start with breath
Intentional breathing is your body’s quickest invitation to slow down, ground, and regroup. Something as simple as box breath (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4) brings your mind and body back into connection. Your emotions begin to redirect. Your thoughts soften. Your body remembers safety.
If you need more grounding, begin to move, gently and intentionally. This is where agency comes in. It’s not about perfection; it’s about choosing a movement that feels supportive in that moment.
Think of it as offering your body a little pathway out of holiday overwhelm, like opening a side door in a crowded room so you can step out and breathe.
Take a Walk (Even a Tiny One)
A slow walk down the driveway, around the block, or even pacing a hallway acts like a reset button for your nervous system. That simple left-right-left pattern calms your body before your mind even catches up. It doesn’t have to be long; sometimes one minute of embodied movement is enough to bring you back into yourself.
Sway in the Kitchen
Turn on a song you love and just sway. Not a dance routine or a performance, just a gentle rock back and forth. It’s the adult version of being soothed. Music plus rhythm can melt tension right off your shoulders and help your body remember what comfort feels like.
Let Yourself Play (Yes, Even Now)
Holiday stress is heavy, and play is the opposite of heavy. Kick a ball with your kids, step on crunchy leaves, spin in a swivel chair, toss a snowball. It is just one small moment of playfulness. Your body will surprise you with how quickly tension lifts when joy gets even a tiny doorway.
Try Micro-stretches at the Table
If you’re stuck at the dinner table and can’t leave the room, your body can still move quietly. Roll your shoulders. Circle your wrists under the table. Stretch your legs out and flex your feet. Gently rock in your chair. These tiny, embodied movements whisper to your nervous system, “You’re not trapped. There’s still space.”
Do a Mini Muscle Release
Pick one area, your hands, your shoulders, or your feet. Gently tense for three seconds, then release for six. That softening sensation you feel afterward? That’s your nervous system letting go. You only need to do it once or twice to feel a shift.
Shake Off the Static
When emotions spike, your body stores that energy. A few seconds of somatic shaking helps release it. Shake out your hands, flop your arms, bounce your knees, like brushing off invisible static, this simple, embodied movement clears out that buzzing overwhelms faster than you’d think. Worried your family or friends will think you’re nuts? Do it in the bathroom. It takes just a couple minutes and no one will ever know – except your more regulated nervous system.
Use Grounding Touch
Embodied movement doesn’t have to be big to be powerful. Place a hand on your chest, rub your arms, press your feet firmly into the floor, or gently hold your own hands. These grounding touches bring you back into your body and remind you that you’re here, and you’re okay enough.
Try Left-Right Rhythm
Your brain loves bilateral movement. Lightly tap one shoulder then the other, alternate toe taps, or drum your fingers left-right-left-right on your thighs. This simple pattern quietly brings your system back toward regulation without making a scene.
Lean Into Household Rhythms
Everyday tasks like folding towels, wiping counters, sweeping can be incredibly regulating. The repetitive motion creates a gentle rhythm that settles the mind in the same way rocking does. Sometimes “getting things done” is actually your nervous system looking for comfort.
Step Outside for a Nature Reset
If you can step outdoors, even for a few seconds, let the natural world do its work. If you’re able to get outside for 20 minutes in a natural area, that’s even better. Research shows not only does this help regulate your nervous system, but the benefits can last up to 30 days. Hello holiday season help!
Lean against a tree, pick up a pinecone, walk in the cold air, feel snow or running water on your hands. Nature offers a quiet kind of grounding your nervous system instantly responds to.
Embodied movement doesn’t need to be dramatic to be effective.
It just needs to be chosen.
Choice, especially in a season full of expectations, is one of the kindest gifts you can give your nervous system. Embodied movement becomes your portable safe space, whether you’re in your childhood dining room, a cramped car on the way to your in-laws, or standing in your kitchen wondering how you’ll get everything done.
And in that space, even for a few seconds, your body can breathe again.
Moving Toward a Softer Season
The holidays have a way of stirring up everything at once, joy tangled with grief, excitement braided with dread, and pain swirling with pleasure. Sometimes the lights and bells feel magical, and other times they feel like they’re spotlighting every old wound we’ve worked so hard to outgrow. And when we’re wrapped in that familiar box of shame or overwhelmed by expectations that hang on us like too-heavy tinsel, it’s easy to think our only option is to endure, smile through it, and wait for January.
But here’s the truth:
You are not powerless in those moments.
Your body, the same body that has warned you, protected you, and held your stories, also holds your pathways back to safety and calm. It remembers how to breathe. How to sway. How to step away, to ground, to play, to choose. It remembers the rhythms that soothe you and the movements that help you reclaim a sense of space when everything feels too tight.
Your internal safety switchboard may get overloaded this season, that’s totally human. But embodied movement gives it another way to communicate. Each intentional breath, each step outside, each quiet stretch, each tiny shake-off of tension whispers to your system, “You’re here. You’re safe enough. We can navigate this.”
Embodied movement doesn’t erase the past or magically fix holiday stress, but it does something just as important:
It brings you back to yourself.
And when you return to yourself, your breath, your agency, your body, you create a small pocket of safety you can carry anywhere. Whether you’re sitting at a table that holds both memories and new boundaries, driving across states with overtired kids, or cleaning a kitchen that feels like a second full-time job, that portable safe space moves with you.
So if this season feels heavy, cracked, complicated, or anything but merry, let embodied movement be your gentle companion. Let it soften the edges. Let it offer you an exit ramp out of overwhelm and a doorway back into your own presence.
Because you deserve to feel grounded
not just once the holidays pass,
but in the very middle of them.
And even one chosen embodied movement, one breath, one step, one stretch, can help your body settle again.
Next Steps
If the holidays stir up old wounds, overwhelm your nervous system, or leave you feeling disconnected from yourself, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Our trauma-informed counseling and embodied coaching can help you find steadiness, reclaim safety, and move through this season with support instead of survival mode.
If you’re ready to feel more grounded, regulated, and connected to your body, reach out today. Healing is possible—and you don’t have to do it by yourself.
Counseling and coaching that helps you thrive!