The phrase spiritual abuse is being used more often, which is helpful and also can be complicated.

It’s helpful, because many people have been harmed in the name of God and finally have language for their experience. Putting language to trauma helps us reengage our prefrontal cortex (the front thinky thinky part of our brain) where our language center is. This helps us process our experiences and make meaning of them. 

It’s complicated because the term is sometimes used so broadly that it loses meaning, or so narrowly that real harm gets dismissed. If everything is spiritual abuse or religious trauma, then nothing is.

If you’ve ever wondered “Was that spiritual abuse, or was I just hurt?” you’re not alone. Let’s dive in and name what spiritual abuse is and is not.

What Spiritual Abuse Is

At its core, spiritual abuse is the misuse of spiritual authority, language, or practices to control, coerce, silence, or dominate another person. I often define it as “taking someone’s good and right devotion to God and using it as a weapon against them.”

It is not about disagreement or imperfection. It is about power and control.

Spiritual abuse often includes:

1. Using God or Scripture to Control Behavior

• “God told me you must…”
• “A faithful Christian wouldn’t question this.”
• “If you leave, you’re disobeying God.”
• “Thus saith the Lord…”
• “Don’t speak against the Lord’s anointed.”

Scripture becomes a tool of pressure and imprisonment rather than a source of wisdom, freedom, or discernment.

2. Equating Obedience to Leaders with Obedience to God

When spiritual leaders present themselves as:

• God’s sole mouthpiece—”I speak for God.”
• Above accountability
• Immune from correction—often elder boards, if they exist, are stacked with “yes” men and women who do not challenge the leader

Questioning leadership is framed as rebellion, pride, or lack of faith.

3. Silencing Questions, Doubt, or Discernment

Spiritual abuse thrives where:

• Curiosity is punished
• Doubt is shamed
• Emotional or spiritual pain is minimized or completely ignored

Phrases like “Just pray more,” “Forgive and move on,” or “Don’t let the enemy get a foothold” are often used to shut down honest processing or questions. 

4. Using Fear to Maintain Control

This can include, but is not limited to, fear about:

• Losing salvation
• Being cursed (or accursed)
• Being ostracized or excommunicated
• Disappointing God 

Fear replaces love as the primary motivator. God is cast as the punitive judge in the sky ready to punish you for any misstep.

5. Spiritualizing Harm or Suffering

Examples include:

• Encouraging someone to stay in an abusive relationship “for God’s glory”
• Framing endurance of harm as holiness
• Calling boundary-setting selfish or unbiblical
• Calling questions about process or guidance as “gossip”

Pain is reframed as virtue rather than something worthy of care and protection. The victim is often cast as the problem or as someone who is “divisive.”

What Spiritual Abuse is Not

It’s equally important to name what does not automatically qualify as spiritual abuse.

1. Disagreement

Disagreeing with a belief, teaching, or theological position, even strongly, does not mean abuse occurred.

Healthy faith communities allow for:

• Difference
• Conversation
• Growth over time

Conversation, even passionate ones, are held with respect and care. People are willing to treat each other as image bearers of the Living God even when they don’t agree with each other.

2. Imperfect Leaders or Congregants

Leaders are human. Congregants are human. We all make mistakes, communicate poorly, or need growth at times. Those things do not equal abuse. True leaders own their mistakes and are appropriately transparent about them. You can talk through issues with other congregants or express hurt feelings and work through issues in healthy systems. 

Spiritual abuse, like other abuse, is evidenced by power and control, not occasional missteps followed by accountability. 

3. Conviction or Discomfort

Feeling challenged by a sermon, scripture, or spiritual practice can be uncomfortable, but discomfort alone is not abuse.

The key difference: Conviction invites reflection while abuse demands compliance

4. Healthy Authority or Structure

All communities have structure. Leadership itself is not abusive. In fact, power can be exercised appropriately. 

Healthy authority:

• Invites consent
• Welcomes accountability
• Honors personal agency
• Makes changes when something isn’t working well

Why Abuse Can be Hard to Name

Many people harmed spiritually hesitate to name it because:

• “Others had it worse”
• “They meant well”
• “It wasn’t all bad”

Many people don’t want to say anything if they aren’t 100% sure they were harmed. We often try to give people the benefit of the doubt, especially people we care about and respect. This is normal and not at all bad. In fact, we should start out with curiosity! But when it was truly harmful, we can get to the point we name it clearly.

Spiritual abuse can coexist with good memories, what felt like (and may have been) genuine care, and real community. That makes it incredibly tricky at points. In a situation I was in, I remember feeling genuinely cared for by one particular church member who told me he could see eternity in me. At the time, the leader of this organization was beating me down. That small compliment was a drop of cool water in a desert. It was totally fine for me to see that as good, even in a bad situation. 

Naming harm doesn’t mean we have to erase what was meaningful.

Why Naming Spiritual Abuse Matters

Spiritual abuse impacts:

• Identity—specifically our understanding of our identity in Christ and also our identity as a human being
• Nervous system regulation
• Attachment to God and to others

When harm goes unnamed, people often internalize the damage as personal failure rather than relational violation.

Naming it:

• Brings our prefrontal cortex online so we can work to integrate healing
• Restores agency
• Reduces shame

A Closing Invitation

Healing does not require certainty, only honesty and gentleness toward yourself.

You are allowed (and we’d encourage you) to ask:

• What felt life-giving?
• What felt coercive or unsafe?
• What do I need now to feel grounded and whole?

Journaling these could be very helpful in picking up the pieces. 

An Invitation for Clarity

If this post stirred questions, or helped you name things you’ve struggled to put words to, you don’t have to figure it out all at once. We invite you to take a curious perspective and ask more questions.

We created a short, reflective quiz called “Is My Church Safe or a High-Control Space?” to help you gently assess dynamics around power, safety, consent, and spiritual authority to help you gain insight.

Next Steps

If you need support to heal from spiritual abuse or religious trauma, we’d love to help you. Reach out today for your free, 15-minute consultation. Our expert therapists and coaches would love to walk with you on your healing journey.

The post What Spiritual Abuse Is (and What it Isn’t) appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

Grooming in Adulthood

When we think about grooming, we often picture child victims and adult perpetrators. But grooming isn’t limited to children; it’s also a key factor in the abuse many adults experience.

It can sometimes be difficult to separate genuine kindness from coercive tactics, just like it is with childhood grooming. That’s why this post will explore how grooming can show up in romantic relationships, friendships, and the workplace.

What is Grooming?

Grooming behaviors often mimic the natural kindness found in healthy friendships and relationships, but with a sinister twist. The kindness is a false kindness with strings attached. Perpetrators use false kindness to move closer to their victims, often placing themselves in roles that feel essential in the victim’s life. That closeness is then what grants them ongoing access.

The more trusted or central the perpetrator becomes, the harder it can be for a victim to disclose what’s happening – whether to friends, family, or authorities. In fact, only 4–8% of adults who experience sexual grooming ever report it due to shame, guilt, and fear. Survivors may feel embarrassed that they “fell for it,” or fear that speaking up will harm their reputation, community, or relationships. We know from understanding coercive control dynamics that perpetrators often look good from the outside making it tough for the community to see what is truly happening.

Consent

Before looking at how grooming plays out in different relationships, we need to clarify what consent is and what it isn’t.

Consent is an agreement between adults where everyone involved is free to say “no” or withdraw consent at any time. Consent can be verbal or nonverbal, but it cannot be present when someone is:

• under the influence of substances,
• pressured by power dynamics, or
• coerced or intimidated.

A lack of the word “no” does not equal consent. Many survivors are unable to say “no” in the moment. Instead, they may try safer statements like “I need to go home” or “I have to leave.” Others may freeze or fawn, unable to speak at all.

As Tabitha Westbrook, LMFT, LCMHC, LPC, said on her Hey Tabi! podcast:

“If it is not a yes—a full, enthusiastic yes—then it was a NO. There is no in between.”

A Model of Grooming in Adulthood

While grooming can look different in every situation, researcher Grant Sinnamon identified a seven-stage model often used by perpetrators [1]:

1. Vulnerability

They identify victims who appear emotionally, socially, or otherwise vulnerable. Many position themselves as trustworthy or respectable, which can be especially effective if the groomer is in a helping profession (e.g., pastor, therapist).

2. Information Gathering

They study the victim’s needs and weaknesses, building trust by seeming helpful. And some things offered may be legitimately helpfu, but they come with strings attached.

3. Isolation

They gradually distance the victim from their support system, creating false intimacy and dependency

4. Exploiting Needs

They meet key emotional, financial, physical, or spiritual needs, deepening reliance. If the perpetrator can get past this stage, they have successfully manipulated their victim.

5. Emotional Dependency

They desensitize the victim to boundary violations and chip away at confidence. It’s often slow and subtle. Pushing here and there to see what will be tolerated. As more is tolerated, more boundaries are pushed.

6. Sexual Contact (in sexual grooming)

In romantic or routine contexts, they coerce sexual activity while framing it as consensual. They also minimize boundary-violating contact as “accidental.” For example, a boss might brush the bottom of an employee and brush it off as “accidental.”

7. Control

They maintain power through secrecy, shame, threats, and blackmail, convincing victims that disclosure would ruin them. They also may use overt threats of physical harm to maintain control. Often, they will use emotional manipulation to ensure the victim believes it’s his/her fault.

Romantic Grooming

Romantic grooming often combines emotional and sexual exploitation, leaving survivors with long-lasting social, emotional, and physical impacts.

Adult sexual grooming refers to situations where an adult is manipulated into sexual contact through emotional or psychological tactics [1]. These tactics can include pressure, guilt, badgering, blackmail, and the use of drugs or alcohol.

According to the CDC (2024), more than 1 in 2 women and 1 in 3 men experience sexual violence, including unwanted physical contact, in their lifetime. If you’re stunned by that statistic, you should be. It truly is that prevalent.

Love Bombing

Love bombing is one of the most common, and dangerous, romantic grooming tactics. It involves overwhelming a person with attention, gifts, and grand gestures [2]. For someone who feels unseen or lonely, this intensity can be intoxicating.

Love bombing triggers dopamine, the same brain chemical involved in sex, sugar, and addictive drugs [6]. Victims often become hooked on the “high,” chasing it even as the abuser begins withdrawing affection or layering in abuse [2]. And, worse yet, the perpetrator is using what we all legitimately need – care – to lure in their victims. Of course we would get a “high” from being loved! We are wired that way!

In healthy relationships, connection grows gradually through mutual trust. With love bombing, things feel fast, intense, and “too good to be true.” [6].

Common signs of love bombing include:

• Soulmate language: “You’re the one.” “We’re destined to be together.” “God told me you were my future spouse.”
• Future talk as fact: “When we get married…” “When we go to Europe…”
• Exaggerated compliments: Placing the victim on a pedestal only they control.
• Over-the-top gifts: From expensive jewelry to smaller gestures that create a sense of obligation. This often happens far too early in the relationship. We have worked with clients who were whisked away to fancy destinations within a week of meeting a person.
• Communication overload: Constant calls, texts, and demands for attention. The perpetrator wants to be the victim’s entire world.

Gaslighting

Gaslighting, a term now widely used, means making someone doubt their own memory, perception, or sanity. In grooming, perpetrators may act hostile when confronted, leaving victims feeling responsible for the relationship’s problems [2]. Gaslighting is different than disagreement. In disagreement people can hold two different perspectives and neither person is made to feel as if they are crazy or un-human or stupid for holding an opposing viewpoint.

Grooming the Support System

This is one the most important facts about grooming in adulthood. Perpetrators don’t just groom the victim – they often groom the victim’s entire community. By appearing generous, charming, or trustworthy, they make disclosure harder because people see the perpetrator as wonderful or a pillar of the community. Survivors may fear no one will believe them or that others will side with the perpetrator.

Grooming Romanticized in Culture

Culture plays a powerful role in how grooming behaviors are normalized and even celebrated.

The term rape culture describes an environment where sexually aggressive or predatory behavior is minimized, excused, or framed as acceptable. This culture makes space for grooming to flourish by:

• Victim-blaming – Suggesting survivors are responsible for the abuse because of their clothing, intoxication, or behavior.
• Disregard for boundaries – Framing harassment or coercion as romantic persistence: “He just couldn’t give up on her.”
• Trivializing sexual assault – Dismissing violence with phrases like “boys will be boys” or treating survivors’ reports as “he said, she said.”
  

These messages are reinforced in popular culture. In books, movies, and TV, storylines often portray coercive behaviors as romantic:

• A persistent admirer ignores “no” until the reluctant love interest “finally gives in.”
• Controlling or possessive partners are framed as protective.
• Intense, boundary-crossing behavior is celebrated as proof of passion.
  

In one study of 50 mainstream movies, 77% of sexual interactions relied on nonverbal cues rather than explicit consent [1]. This blurs the cultural understanding of consent and leaves room for coercion to be misread as intimacy.

When media glamorizes coercion, younger audiences especially may grow up believing that healthy, respectful relationships are boring, while unsafe or boundary-violating ones are “romantic.” This cultural backdrop makes grooming harder to spot and harder to name because it has already been normalized for us. Pornography adds to this paradigm significantly because it often depicts both violence and lack of consent as being “normal” parts of physical intimacy. There is ample data to demonstrate that regular pornography use rewires the brain in harmful ways.

Friendship Grooming in Adulthood

Friendships are powerful, but they’re often less discussed compared to discussion around romantic relationships. Cultural messages like “ride-or-die” loyalty or “found family” can make it hard to notice when dependency tips into something unhealthy. To be clear, loyal friends and chosen family can be incredibly healthy and life giving. We want to help you know the difference between healthy connection and grooming in adulthood.

Just like in romantic relationships, grooming in friendships can start with love bombing – intense loyalty, flattery, or secret-sharing that creates a false sense of closeness. While it may feel encouraging at first, it can quickly move into dependency and control.

How it Can Look

• Isolation – The friend discourages other relationships, takes up most of your time, or subtly discredits others with comments like, “I just don’t think they get you like I do.” Gossip is common: they may badmouth people in your life to you, leaving you wondering if they gossip about you as well. This creates an “us vs. them” bond.
• Gaslighting & Coercion – Boundaries are slowly eroded – financially (“I thought you’d cover this for me”), emotionally (“I need you to pick up, even at 2 AM”), or socially (selective inclusion/exclusion to make you feel responsible or unsafe). If you confront them, you may be told you’re “too sensitive” or “crazy.”
  
• Manipulative minimization – When confronted, they may flip the script with self-deprecating lines like, “I’m the worst friend,” or “I never do anything right.” This tactic pulls the focus away from your concern and forces you into caretaking them instead.
• Financial pressure – Expecting large gifts, pressuring you to pay, or guilting you into covering expenses.
• Boundary violations – Disrespecting your time, expecting constant availability, or tracking your location under the guise of concern.
• Threats & blackmail – Using the possibility of ending the friendship or exposing secrets to maintain control.

Why It Matters

Healthy friendships are built on trust, respect, and freedom. Destructive ones thrive on secrecy, dependency, and guilt. Over time, coercive friendships erode self-esteem, foster confusion, and damage self-worth. Recognizing these signs allows you to name what’s happening and take back your boundaries.

Workplace Grooming in Adulthood

Workplace grooming can be uniquely destructive because of the built-in power imbalance and the reality of financial dependence. Many people minimize or ignore these patterns in order to maintain job security, making them especially difficult to confront. You’ll notice the tactics are the same as other areas of grooming in adulthood – but the context in which they are used is different.

Common Tactics

• Boundary Crossing – Favoritism or “special treatment” is framed as mentorship or career advancement, but in reality it blurs professional lines. Over time, this can normalize inappropriate demands on time, labor, or loyalty.
• Exploitation of Loyalty – Some workplaces highlight their “family culture” to pressure employees into rule-bending, unpaid overtime, or sacrificing personal boundaries. Refusing can lead to being labeled disloyal or uncommitted.
• Sexual Grooming – Perpetrators may start by testing boundaries with jokes or comments that seem questionable but “harmless.” This can escalate into private meetings, inappropriate touch, or coercion into a sexual relationship.

Why It’s Hard to Report

Silencing mechanisms in the workplace can be especially powerful due to:

• Fear of retaliation or career loss
• Damage to reputation in the industry
• Shame, self-blame, or minimization (“maybe I misunderstood”)

When victims weigh these risks, many choose silence, allowing the abuse to continue unchecked.

Telling the Difference

There is genuine kindness in this world and in relationships. This chart can help you understand which is which.

How to Spot Grooming in Adulthood

1. Trust your gut. If the relationship always feels intense, or you feel uneasy, listen to that inner warning. Writing down behaviors can help separate fact from emotion.
2. Stay connected. Grooming often relies on isolation. If a relationship is pulling you away from friends, family, or yourself, take note.
3. Notice their reaction when you push back. If setting boundaries leads to hostility, blame-shifting, or guilt-tripping, that’s a red flag. And as we often say here, “Those red flags don’t mean it’s a carnival!”

Remember: grooming thrives in confusion. The more you recognize the signs, the harder it is for someone to manipulate your boundaries or autonomy.

Final Note about Grooming in Adulthood

At The Journey and The Process, we specialize in supporting survivors of complex trauma, including those who have experienced grooming in adulthood and abuse of all kinds. Our whole-person, evidence-based therapy helps survivors heal and feel safe in their bodies, relationships, and faith again.

We are experts in EMDR, Brainspotting, Somatic Experiencing, and Internal Family Systems. We also offer trauma-informed biblical counseling that goes beyond “take two verses and call me in the morning.”

You are not alone. We are here for you. Don’t let one more day pass by without getting the help you need. Reach out for a free, 15-minute consultation and let us help you walk the healing path.

References

[1] Atletky, C., Sharma, B., Carbajal, J., & Eubank, T. (2025). Adult sexual grooming: A systemic review. Journal of Social Work in the Global Community, 9(1-17). https://doi.10.5590/jswgc.2025.09.1058

[2] DVSN (2024). The manipulative “romance” of grooming & love bombing. Domestic Violence Services Network, Inc. https://www.dvsn.org/february-2024-the-manipulative-romance-of-grooming-love-bombing/

[3] Morrison, W. (2019). Abusive friendships are real. Here’s how to recognize you’re in one. Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/how-to-recognize-abusive-friendships#1

[4] Payne, S. (2022). 16 signs you’re in an abusive friendship & how to respond. Choosing Therapy. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/abusive-friendship/

[5] Wolfe & Mote Law Group, LLC. (2022). Is it sexual assault if they didn’t say “No?” Wolfe Law Group. https://www.wvwlegal.com/blog/is-it-sexual-assault-if-they-didnt-say-no/

[6] Woodward, C. (2022). Love bombing–The ultimate grooming technique. National Center for Domestic Violence. https://www.ncdv.org.uk/love-bombing-the-ultimate-grooming-technique/

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Keep your cheer this season, even if family is challenging.

“What?!” you say incredulously. “Why would I need to survive my family during the holidays? We are just like a Norman Rockwell painting!” If you can honestly say this, we think that’s amazing! We want families to be happy and connected! Odds are if you’re reading a blog on our website you are, in fact, trying to figure out how to manage the family stress of the holidays and come out the other side without needing twice-a-week counseling in Wake Forest.

The holidays can still be a magical season filled with joy even if your family sometimes is a little challenging. We have some tips to help you not only survive, but thrive in this holiday season.

Tip 1 – Boundaries are key!

If you don’t know what a boundary is, you can think of it like a fence with a gate. It sets a perimeter of access to you. You can choose to open the gate or not, depending on the situation. For holidays, it may be important to establish a few fence lines (or stick to ones you already have). For example, if political discussion become heated in your family you may set a boundary of not allowing that kind of discussion at meal times. You can let folks know ahead of time, “I know we can all get really passionate about what we believe or think about politically, but we’re gonna keep that out of the meals this year. Let’s focus on talking about what we are thankful for this year that has nothing to do with politics.” A boundary like this can help steer the conversation without alienating anyone’s viewpoint.

Tip 2 – Take breaks

There is great value in taking a walk or taking a step away. I heard a saying once that guests are like fish – after three days they start to smell and should go. When family come from afar (or we go to them) the three-day rule might be a bit tough. Instead, take some breaks from each other. Go for a walk (which also can help reduce depression and anxiety), go shopping, go read a book.

Tip 3 – Manage your expectations

We often are disappointed when our expectations are not met. If Uncle Bob always leaves a plate of half-consumed cake on the bathroom sink then expecting something different can leave you extra frustrated. Getting angry about it doesn’t mean it will change – it just means you’ll probably get in a fight. Are you able to overlook Uncle Bob’s choice of plate storage for the week he’s at your house? Are you able to be okay with your mom asking you (again) why you’re not yet married or when you’re giving her grandchildren? If you can let some things go you’ll find yourself happier. We do want to say, this applies only to family annoyances, not abusive behaviors! 

We hope these are helpful tips to help you survive family during the holidays and not need to come to counseling in Wake Forest when it’s all over!

If family is a real challenge and you need counseling in Wake Forest

That said, we do know family can sometimes be super hard to negotiate and there may be some things you do want to talk with one of our Wake Forest counselors about. We are happy to help! Reach out today at 919-891-0525 for your free, 15-minute consultation for counseling in Wake Forest NC.

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Focus and Listen

Thanks to the proliferation of digital media and mobile devices, we live in a world that seems to demand that we all become proficient multitaskers. The problem is that it’s hard to shut off this instinct. Most of us are hardly able to have a conversation with a loved one without checking our social media pages or texting a co-worker or friend. This inability to STOP and focus on just being with our partner can absolutely kill intimacy.

If you want to reconnect you’ve got to become aware of when your mind is wandering. You’ve got to really focus on your partner and actually listen with both ears to what they say. Being heard, really heard, makes us feel loved and cared for. By doing this for your partner you will not only make them feel loved and special, you will inspire them to reciprocate the same respect.

Do you struggle to hear? Try some mindfulness practice (read my blog with some helpful ways to practice here.)

Appreciate All They Do

It’s entirely too easy to take our loved ones for granted. Reconnecting requires that we appreciate who they are and all that they do in our lives.

Think of some things that you appreciate about your partner and thank them – with actual words, out loud. I see many couples who appreciate many things about their partner, but the words stay in their head versus being expressed out loud. Perhaps your spouse always takes out the trash without being asked. Maybe he/she brings you a cup of coffee in the morning when you first wake up, or do the dishes every night. Take the time to recognize the efforts and say thank you from the heart. You will both feel great.

Have Fun

Sure, building intimacy is important, but you don’t have to be so serious about it! One of the absolute best ways to reconnect with your partner is to laugh with them. This is especially true for people who have been together for quite a few years. You forget who each other used to be – or maybe you’ve even lost touch with who they are now. But by experiencing novel and interesting activities together, you can learn new things about each other and see your relationship in a new light.

For some couples, building intimacy can require even more work, especially if there are trust issues. In these cases, working with a couples therapist can help partners feel safe enough to work through their issues, learning new skills, so they can reconnect.

And here’s a secret… Relationship intimacy is great foreplay and can lead to physical intimacy!

If you or someone you know is interested in exploring ways to make relationships better and stronger, I would be happy to see how I may be able to help. Call 919-891-0525 today for a free, 15-minute consultation. Appointments may be scheduled for my Wake Forest counseling office or online.

The post 3 Ways to Build Intimacy with Your Partner appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

1. What do I need?

Starting with what you need is important. Do you feel like you’re always about to jump out of your skin because you’re so anxious? Did you experience something terrible that still haunts you? Is your marriage or intimate relationship dying on the vine? Are you struggling to handle your strong emotions and, because of that, struggling to make and keep friends or even struggling to keep a job? Knowing a little about what you need will help you find a therapist or counselor that can help you address your problems.

2. Where do I look?

There are many great places to look for a therapist on the internet. You can check Psychology Today or Good Therapy directories. Each directory allows you to sort by various issues or styles of therapist. You can also do a simple Google search like, “Couples counselors near Wake Forest, NC.”

Friends also can be an amazing resource. Do they know anyone? Can they make a recommendation?

3. How do I pick from the ones I found? There are SO MANY OF THEM!

Some areas have a strong therapeutic presence, which is great! But that means picking the one for you can pose a challenge. Start by reading their descriptions on their Psychology Today or Good Therapy pages. Click through to websites of the ones that interest you. Does it look like they have expertise in the area where you need support? Make a list of the top 4-5 that look like they may be a good fit.

4. Okay, I have a list, now what? Call or email these therapists. Ask questions like:

What kinds of issues do you help people with?

What type of training do you have?

What does counseling look like with you?

What are your rates? Do you accept insurance? If so, how does that work? If not, what are payment options?

When emailing, be mindful of what you share since not all email is secure. If you want to share details about what is going on for you a phone call is more appropriate.

5. What else do I do while talking?

While you’re gathering information, notice how you feel while talking to the therapist. Do you feel comfortable? Do you feel like he/she understands what you’re sharing? Do you get the sense that he/she can help you? If you feel like the therapist just does not get you then that may not be the right therapist for you. You need to feel comfortable sharing what’s going on for you so finding a therapist with whom you gel is really important.

6. I talked to therapists, now what do I do?

Now it’s time to make an appointment! You can do that by calling your preferred person back, sending an email, or even using their online scheduling tool if they have one.

What if I go to my first session and realize, “This person isn’t a fit after all?”

Find someone else. That is a-ok. A good therapist will understand and will even help you find someone that’s a better fit.

I hope this helps you find the right therapist in the Wake Forest or Rolesville area. If you are still feeling stuck, feel free to call me at (919) 891-0525 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation. I’d be happy to hear about what is happening and help direct you to the right person. If you are looking for help with anxiety, traumatic events, or your marriage, you can read more about how I can help here and here.

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