If you’ve ever been told to “just stop worrying” or to “choose joy,” you already know how unhelpful that advice is. Anxiety and depression are not character flaws. Nor are they signs that your faith is weak. They are not things you can simply decide your way out of – if that were the case millions of people would do exactly that! And if you’ve been carrying either — or both — I want to start by saying this: I see how exhausting that is. You are not alone.

I also want to share something that I have seen help create some shift in my years of working as a licensed counselor — something that doesn’t require you to pretend everything is fine, doesn’t ask you to suppress what you’re feeling, and isn’t about masking your symptoms with a smile and a scripture verse. If you’ve been around at all, you know we aren’t “take two verses and call us in the morning.”

There is a cycle happening in your mind that may be quietly making your anxiety and depression worse. And once you understand it, you can begin to interrupt it.

First, Let’s Talk About What You’re Actually Carrying

Anxiety and depression are exhausting in a way that is genuinely hard to describe to someone who hasn’t experienced them. It’s not just feeling sad or feeling worried. It’s the weight of it. The relentlessness. The way it colors everything — your mornings, your relationships, your ability to enjoy things that used to bring you life.

Anxiety can feel like your brain is running a threat-detection program on a continuous loop, even when there’s no actual threat in front of you. Depression can feel like being trapped behind glass or under water — you can see your life happening, but you can’t quite reach it or feel it the way you used to. You feel like you’re drowning.

And for many Christians, there’s an added layer of confusion or shame: Shouldn’t my faith be enough? If I really trusted God, would I still feel this way? That shame spiral can make everything harder. I want to be so clear: anxiety and depression are not a faith problem. They are a whole-person experience — mind, body, and spirit — and they deserve to be addressed as such.

The Thought-Emotion Cycle (And Why It Matters)

Here’s something that most people don’t realize: your thoughts and your emotions are in a constant conversation with each other. And that conversation can either calm the storm — or feed it.

It works like this: a thought appears. Maybe it’s “Something is wrong with me,” or “This is never going to get better,” or even something as simple as noticing that a friend didn’t text back and thinking “They must be upset with me.” (As an aside, so many people assume the worst when someone reacts or doesn’t react in a way we expect, but that deserves its own blog.) That thought and the meaning we give it triggers an emotion (or a whole bunch of emotions) like fear, sadness, or shame. And those emotions? They trigger more thoughts. Which trigger more emotions. Which trigger more thoughts.

Before you know it, you’ve gone from a single unanswered text to a full spiral about your worth, your relationships, and your future — in under two minutes. Sound familiar? I know it does to me. I once sent my own therapist a meme that said, “I’m not spiraling, I’m just following a suspiciously curved path.”

This is the thought-emotion cycle. And when anxiety and depression are already present, this cycle can spin faster and go deeper than it does for someone who isn’t struggling. The thoughts feel more true. The emotions feel more permanent. And the cycle becomes harder to interrupt.

Here’s the important part: your thoughts and feelings are not always facts. I know that might be hard to hear when a thought feels absolutely, undeniably true. Additionally, feelings are not facts. They are experiences — real, valid, worth paying attention to — but they are not always an accurate picture of reality. I refer to them as data and we can be curious about it.

What Happens When We’re on Autopilot

Most of us are running this thought-emotion cycle almost entirely on autopilot, like we talked about in our last blog. We’re not choosing our thoughts deliberately. We’re not pausing to ask whether they’re accurate. We’re just reacting — thought to emotion to thought to emotion — and the anxiety and depression get to keep driving.

Research has actually shown that this kind of automatic, unexamined thinking — what we call living on autopilot — is one of the factors that allows anxiety and depression to deepen and intensify over time. When we don’t notice our thoughts, we can’t question them. When we can’t question them, we believe everything they tell us. And anxiety and depression tell us some very convincing, very unkind things.

The good news is that noticing — simply becoming aware of the cycle — is already the beginning of interrupting it.

What the Bible Has to Say About This

The instruction to “take every thought captive” from 2 Corinthians is not a command to suppress your thoughts or pretend they aren’t there. It’s an invitation to notice them — to become aware of what’s happening in your mind — and to bring those thoughts into alignment with truth.

Philippians 4:8 tells us to think about what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, and commendable. That’s not a call to toxic positivity. It’s a call to intentional attention — to practice directing our minds rather than letting our minds direct us. There are studies that show that what we focus on profoundly impacts our mood.

And Philippians 4:6-7 — the “do not be anxious” passage — is paired with a promise: that when we bring our concerns to God, the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds. Guard your minds. That language is active. It implies that our minds need guarding — and that God partners with us in that work. In a world where the news is literally a dumpster fire all the time, it can be so easy to have our thoughts and emotions focused on darkness. We have to be intentional about turning our faces away from that.

Skills That Actually Help (Not Just Cope)

Here’s what I want you to hear most: there are practical, learnable skills that can genuinely reduce anxiety and depression — not just help you white-knuckle through them.

I’ve sat with clients who came in convinced that they would always feel the way they felt. That this was just who they were. That the best they could hope for was managing symptoms. And I have watched those same people — through consistent practice of specific, evidence-based skills — experience real, lasting change. Not perfection. Not the absence of hard days. But genuine freedom that they didn’t think was possible. And yes, we also had to process traumatic experiences, but between sessions using good skills promotes healing.

One of my clients told me that practicing these skills changed everything for her. Another came in stunned to report that her blood pressure had improved — her doctor was amazed. The mind and body are deeply connected, and when we learn to work with our thoughts rather than being dragged around by them, the effects ripple out into every area of life.

Research backs this up. Practicing mindful awareness — learning to notice your thoughts and emotions without being controlled by them — for as little as 10 minutes a day over 8 weeks has been shown to literally change the structure of the brain and reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. This isn’t a trendy wellness hack. It’s neuroscience. And it’s grace.

Where Do You Start?

The first skill — the one that everything else is built on — is simply learning to notice. Not to fix, not to analyze, not to judge. Just to observe what’s happening in your mind and body in the present moment.

When a thought arises, instead of immediately believing it or reacting to it (or judging it), you can learn to pause and simply notice: There’s that thought again. Or: I’m noticing that I feel anxious right now. That small act of observation creates just enough space between the thought and your reaction that the cycle begins to lose some of its power.

It sounds almost too simple. I understand that. But I have seen it work — in my practice, in my own life, and in the lives of people who were convinced nothing would help. The skill is simple. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. But it is learnable, and that matters. Here’s a pro tip – practice noticing your thoughts and emotions when you aren’t in a spiral. That will give you really good practice and build that muscle.

You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck

If anxiety and depression have been a long-term part of your story, I want to be honest with you: this work takes time and practice. These skills are not a quick fix, and I’m not going to promise you otherwise. But they are real. They work. And you deserve to have access to them.

The abundant life that Jesus talks about — life to the full — is not a life free of struggle. But it is a life where you are not a slave to your thoughts and emotions. It’s a life where the anxiety and depression don’t get to make all the decisions. Where depression and anxiety don’t get the final word on who you are and what’s possible for you.

That kind of freedom is available to you. Not because you’ll ever be perfect at this — none of us are — but because these are skills that grow with practice. And every single time you notice a thought, pause, and choose not to let it drive the spiral, you are doing something powerful.

You are taking your thoughts captive. And that is exactly where change begins.

Ready to learn the skills in more detail? Click the link below to learn more about the Taking Every Thought Captive course series and start building skills that create real, lasting change. Use the code RESET24 to get a big discount!

And if you need some one-on-one counseling support, reach out to our expert team at The Journey and The Process. It’s okay not to be okay, and you don’t have to stay there.

The post What if the Way You’re Thinking is Making Your Anxiety and Depression Worse? appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

First, like we do with all new clients we do a free, 15-minute phone consultation to make sure we’re the best fit (which you can schedule here). If we aren’t, we are going to do our best to help you find the therapist that’s best for you. Our main priority is you getting the help you need, even if that means it isn’t us!

If we’re a good fit for you then we help you have all the information you’ll need for your first session. We’ll let you know what platform we’re using (including backups in the event of a technological hiccup), how to access it, and some tips and tricks to help you make it awesome.

Then, we connect via video. This might be very familiar to you if you’ve done WebEx or Zoom meetings at work. Our system is super similar to that and is HIPAA compliant so we know your information is safe and protected! At the time of your session we log on and you log on and we get to see each other’s faces, just like when you walk into our physical office.

Finally, we get down to business. We dive in and we work on your goals, work to get you where you want to go, and help you be the best you – even when the whole world feels as if it’s turned upside down.

You might be thinking, “Wow. That doesn’t sound super different.” And you’d be right. It’s not. The main difference in how we connect via teletherapy is just the method we use. You’re still greeted with a smile, still get the same amazing therapy (even things like EMDR can be done via telehealth), your same wonderful therapist, and  the same support, encouragement, and tools you’d get in our physical office.

We know it can seem like an unknown when you think about starting teletherapy with one of our Wake Forest counselors so we wanted to give you a better understanding. If you have more questions we didn’t answer here, we’d love to connect with you. Feel free to reach out to us at 919-891-0525 and we’re happy to answer any questions you have! If you’re ready to schedule your free, 15-minute phone consultation click here.

The post What Teletherapy Is Like with Our Wake Forest Counselors appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

Norma Digeso, LCMHCA

The Journey and The Process would like to introduce Norma Digeso as part of our Wake Forest counseling team. Norma is a FABULOUS counselor and her clients love working with her. We thought we’d take a minute to let you get to know her. She might just be the counselor you have been looking for!

Why did you decide to become a therapist?

I wanted to help others in their journey towards healing. Therapy has been a part of my life and I found it very beneficial to my well-being and a valuable aspect in my healing process. We simply cannot do this on our own and it helps to have someone come alongside you. I consider it a privilege to walk with others in their healing process, just as others walked with me when I needed it.

What is your favorite thing about your work with clients?

My clients are amazing and resilient! It is inspiring to see my clients gain a sense of self-worth as they progress through therapy. Seeing them begin to love themselves for who they are, despite what they have been through, is exciting and fills me with hope and encouragement.

What is something you wish people knew about counseling in Wake Forest?

I wish that people knew that counseling is not as scary as they might think. Being vulnerable with someone can be scary, especially when trauma or anxiety has ruled your life. Allowing someone who genuinely cares about you and your life help you heal from past hurts is essential to living and can move you from just surviving to fully thriving.

What would you like to say to someone who isn’t sure whether counseling in Wake Forest can help them?

I would encourage them to just give it a try. Often times, taking the first step is the most difficult and the scariest, but after that first step, you have already done the hardest part. Fear often holds us back from trying new things, especially when it involves healing from past hurts or talking about something we maybe haven’t before. Seeking counseling requires a bit of courage and fear’s goal is to keep us locked away and isolated, feeding us lies and deceiving us to keep us from who we were created to be. Reaching out for help disables fear’s ability to keep us trapped and allows us to find true healing.

Share a fun fact about you:

I love animals, especially cats. Someday, I would love to visit/volunteer at the Black Jaguar White Tiger Foundation. They rescue abused wild animals and give them a place to live in peace and freedom. My dream is to interact freely with the tigers (without being eaten, of course) or any of the other big cats they rescue. The irony of this dream is that my husband was bitten by a big cat when he was five years old and simply cannot understand my desire to have any part of this.

Norma is located in our Wake Forest counseling office and sees clients on Mondays and Thursdays. Norma has some evening hours as well for those who are negotiating work schedules. She specializes in working with men and women ages 18 and up who are struggling with anxiety, overcoming past or present traumatic experiences, or struggling with identity. More about her qualifications and specialties can be found here.

If Norma sounds just like what you’ve been looking for in a counselor, reach out today at 919-891-0525 for your free, 15-minute consultation for counseling in Wake Forest NC. You will be so glad that you did!

Why should you see a therapist? Here is a great article on it!

The post Wake Forest Counseling – Meet Norma appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

Photo: Annie Spratt

I know. Okay. I get it. Here’s your Wake Forest counseling team talking about resolutions. Like. Everyone. Else. Are we breaking profound ground here? Nope. Literally everyone is talking about resolutions this time of year. We often set the best intent and plan to make next year the year and accomplish all our goals. Unfortunately, we also know resolutions rarely make it past the first week of the new year and we end up feeling like big freaking failures. Let’s talk about why we should ditch the resolutions and what we should do instead to help us meet our goals.

There is nothing wrong at all with taking the change of years to evaluate whether we are where we want to be. Reflection can be a very healthy activity. Resolutions, however, end up super restrictive and often come with guilt and shame for not executing them perfectly. Instead, it may be more useful to cast a vision and then establish some SMART goals to help you get that vision.

Vision Boards

Creating a vision board with what you’d like to focus on for the next year can be really helpful. You don’t have to be talented to make one either. Look, I am probably the most unartistic person on this planet. I can’t make things look cool. I don’t bullet journal. My art skill level is stick figures. But thanks to the internet, magazines, and stickers I can make a pretty dope vision board. Also, no one has to see it but me. I’m not looking to put it in the Louvre or sell it for $2,000,000 (although some dude did sell bananas taped to canvas – so maybe that is a possibility). Honestly, I’m looking at it to remind me of what’s important. What do I want to accomplish in my life, career, family, etc. Dream big – if you want to travel abroad put it on there!

Set Some SMART Goals

Aw geez, I know I just sounded all corporate. In reality, SMART goals just help us plan and it’s a useful acronym to remember.

S – Specific – what exactly do I want to accomplish? Example: I want to travel to Buenos Aires in 2020.

M – Measurable – how do I know I’m making progress? Example: I’m saving money to go, ensuring I have time off, etc.

A – Attainable – is it even possible to do? Example: Yes, I can make time in 2020 to travel.

R – Realistic – is the outcome possible and did I set a reasonable timeframe? Example: I have a valid passport, there are no travel restrictions at this time, and I’ve set the end of 2020 as my deadline. Now, it would not be realistic if I decided my deadline was in one month and I had no passport or travel plans or money already made.

T – Timeframe – what is my deadline? Tasks take as much time as we give them. Our timeline should be reasonable. Example: My deadline is December 2020 for Christmas holiday.

Eat the Elephant

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

You can also break bigger things down into bite-size chunks. For our example above, saving the needed money can be its own SMART goal. So can getting a passport. So can booking flights and lodging. Having little victories along the way help us to avoid overwhelm and see the progress we’re making. It also helps us not to be all-or-nothing in our thinking. If we set SMART goals then there is room for adjustment. Let’s take saving money for the trip. If I don’t set aside all I’d hoped in a month, I can adjust the following month to catch back up.

Grace Upon Grace

Above all, give yourself grace. Make steps and don’t become discouraged if you don’t get exactly where you’d hoped. Odds are when you look back, you’ll see that you actually covered a fair bit of ground, even when it felt like you took three steps forward and two steps back. By the way, the math on that is a net of one step. You are still moving forward. In our Wake Forest counseling office we have a letter board that reads, “If u fell down yesterday, stand up again today.” Life is imperfect. We aren’t always going to hit it out of the park, but that doesn’t mean we give up.

Can We Help?

If you are feeling super duper stuck reach out to our Wake Forest counseling team . We love helping people set and meet their goals and we’d love to see if we’re a good fit for you! Give us a call at at 919-891-0525 for your free, 15-minute consultation for counseling in Wake Forest NC.

The post Wake Forest Counseling – Ditch the Resolutions appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

How to pay for counseling without insurance in Wake Forest NC.

You know finding the counseling in Wake Forest NC isn’t always the easiest process. Counseling is an investment in you and you need to find the right person and place to invest in your time and energy.

You know it’s something you need to do, but the amazing counselor you found doesn’t take insurance. Or you may not even have insurance. Or your insurance has a deductible that’s so high you’ll never meet it in the calendar year. Well, darn. How do you pay for counseling without insurance? We have some ideas for you!

Awhile back we did a blog on some options – you can read that here. Some of my clients told me they couldn’t do some of those things due to transportation issues or family constraints. I’ve been on the lookout ever since to find some options that will work if you have just a computer and a few skills. Here are some additional options for making enough money per week to cover the cost of amazing therapy – and maybe even set some money aside for other things!

Try transcription or captioning.

Rev.com allows you to become a freelancer and watch videos and type what you hear. Simple as that. It pays pretty decently, too! On the low end, at $0.45 per video minute, you can make $27/hour. If you work 10 hours per week, you’d make $270. So, that could be two hours when you get home from work, after the kiddos are in bed, or even in the morning if you get up a little earlier. And, if you can translate another language you can make even more.

Try being a virtual assistant

There are a lot of folks who own small business who need some administrative help. If you have a good grasp on something like Microsoft or Google products, you may be able to make some money helping them get things done. Upwork is a place where you can find projects on which to work. A quick search of available jobs turned up things like copying/pasting data from an email database into an Excel spreadsheet for 10-30 hours per week. Others included typical admin duties. Pay was between $13-$25/hour. Let’s say you worked 10 hours per week making $20/hour as a virtual assistant – you would bring home $200. Easily enough to pay for therapy.

Can You Really Make Counseling In Wake Forest, NC happen for you?

At the end of the day, you will make it happen if it matters to you. Counseling is an investment in you, and you are worth that investment. If you are ready to invest in yourself and the only thing standing in the way is finances, these ideas can help you get where you want to go. We really hope these new tips give you more ideas for how to pay for counseling without insurance.

If you think we might be a good fit for you, reach out today at 919-891-0525 for your free, 15-minute consultation for counseling in Wake Forest NC.

The post Have You Seen the Cost of Counseling in Wake Forest?? appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.