Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has become an easy target in online trauma spaces, and some of that criticism is earned. CBT is structured talk therapy built around the link between thoughts, emotions, and behaviors, and it is heavily researched and widely covered by insurance. The problem starts when people treat CBT like a universal solvent for suffering. Trauma is not just a “thinking problem”; it lives in the nervous system, in attachment wounds, and in the body’s survival responses. If therapy ignores felt safety, minimizes real harm, or rushes to “challenge thoughts” while someone is still in danger, CBT can feel cold, overly intellectual, and invalidating. Done well, though, CBT becomes a practical tool inside a larger trauma-informed therapy plan.

What is helpful about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

A core strength of CBT is helping people notice automatic thoughts, especially automatic negative thoughts (often called ANTs). Many trauma survivors can “spiral” at lightning speed, jumping from a stressor to catastrophic outcomes because the brain is trying to predict threats and self-protect. Slowing that process down is powerful: noticing the thought, checking whether it is accurate, and choosing what to do next. CBT also gives language for what is happening in the mind, engaging the prefrontal cortex (our thinky thinky parts) so we can make meaning rather than being carried by alarm signals alone (our feely feely parts). The key nuance is that some negative thoughts are accurate. If you are in an abusive or coercively controlling relationship, fear may be a wise signal, not a cognitive distortion. Therapy must honor reality, increase safety, and support the body, not argue someone out of valid danger.

That is where “third wave CBT” approaches can shine, especially dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). DBT skills such as mindfulness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness can give trauma survivors options when their nervous system is overwhelmed. ACT adds room for values, acceptance, and committed action when life is hard and pain is real. Most importantly, these approaches can integrate somatic therapy concepts: what you notice in your body when a belief shows up, where shame lives physically, and how the nervous system shifts during stress. Many clinicians also pair cognitive work with body-based trauma methods like EMDR, brainspotting, internal family systems, and somatic experiencing, which help reprocess traumatic memories and the negative beliefs attached to them.

What is Trauma-informed Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

Trauma-informed CBT takes into account what we know to be true about trauma and doesn’t bypass pain or minimize the harm someone has experienced. A trauma-informed CBT mindset also respects faith without spiritual bypassing. For people who connect mental health and Christian faith, identity beliefs matter deeply, but not in a “take two verses and call me in the morning” way. The whole person – mind, body, and spirit – is tended to in the healing process. As we often say here, we are not just brains on a stick.

If trauma planted the belief “I am worthless,” true healing will involve both cognitive and somatic work: naming the belief, tracking sensations, understanding where it came from, and gradually moving toward a truer, grounded belief about worth, safety, and strength. Practical tools include tracking thoughts, urges, behaviors, emotions, and sensations to find patterns before a harmful coping strategy takes over. When you can see the ditch your mind keeps flowing into, you can start backfilling it with new skills, support, and safer choices over time. Cognitive behavioral therapy is not the whole answer for trauma, but used wisely, it can be a valuable healing tool and a steady, empowering part of whole-person trauma therapy.

Your Next Best Step

We are passionate about providing the best, most comprehensive care to those who are healing. If you want to learn more about the whole-person therapy and coaching we offer or want to connect with one of our amazing therapists or coaches, reach out today for your free, 15-minute consultation. We’d love to help you heal and be your truest, most whole self.

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The internet is flooded with content about “narcissistic abuse.” A simple search reveals countless YouTube channels, podcasts, and articles dedicated to this single term. While it’s become a convenient shorthand in our cultural lexicon, labeling an abusive partner as a “narcissist” or “covert narc” or “narc” may be one of the most counterproductive ways to understand what’s really happening in toxic relationships. As a licensed trauma therapists specializing in domestic abuse, we’ve observed how this terminology misleads survivors and potentially puts them at greater risk.

When we frame coercive control as “narcissism,” we inadvertently shift focus from dangerous behaviors to a potential personality disorder diagnosis. This misdirection can lead survivors down rabbit holes searching for ways to “fix” their partner’s behaviors rather than recognizing the inherent danger of the situation. In faith-based communities especially, framing abuse as a personality disorder can reinforce dangerous beliefs that with enough prayer, therapy, or patience, the abuser will change. This misunderstanding keeps victims trapped in cycles of hope and disappointment while enduring ongoing harm.

What we’re often witnessing isn’t simply narcissism but coercive control – a pattern of psychological and emotional domination used to systematically maintain power over a partner. Coercive control operates through tactics like isolation, monitoring movements, gaslighting, financial restriction, and creating unpredictable environments where victims constantly walk on eggshells. This is far beyond mere self-focus or narcissistic tendencies; it’s what we describe as “battery of the soul” – a comprehensive pummeling of someone’s personhood and autonomy.

Why Words Matter

The distinction matters tremendously for safety reasons. When coercive control is framed as narcissistic abuse, it minimizes the potential danger. Coercive control, by contrast, is recognized as inherently dangerous even without obvious physical violence. This recognition is critical because abusive relationships can escalate to deadly in an instant. Safety planning becomes paramount when we correctly identify coercive control, whereas labeling someone a “narcissist” or “narcissistic” may lead victims and professionals alike to underestimate risk levels.

Using proper terminology also matters in legal contexts. When victims use terms like “narcissist” or “narcissistic abuse” in court proceedings without an official diagnosis (which most therapists cannot provide for someone they haven’t assessed), they risk being labeled as “high conflict” themselves. Courts may dismiss their concerns as exaggerations or character attacks. Conversely, many states now include coercive control language in their domestic violence laws, making this terminology much more effective in legal settings.

Perhaps most concerning is how the narcissism framework affects treatment approaches. It often leads to couples counseling, which can be actively dangerous in coercively controlling relationships. The abuser typically manipulates therapy settings, weaponizing vulnerabilities revealed during sessions and using the therapist’s neutrality to further gaslight the victim and then weaponize the victim’s vulnerability. Rather than couples counseling, these situations require individual trauma-informed therapy for the victim and high-accountability intervention for the perpetrator.

What to Do if This Sounds Like Your Relationship

If you recognize the signs of coercive control in your relationship – walking on eggshells, being punished for disagreement, having your faith or past trauma weaponized against you, or feeling constantly afraid – know that you deserve safety, respect, and freedom. This isn’t about diagnosing your partner but about accurately understanding your situation so you can take appropriate steps toward safety. Connect with advocates who specialize in domestic abuse (like those at Called to Peace Ministries), find trauma-informed therapists who understand coercive control dynamics, and develop a safety plan that addresses your specific circumstances.

The language we use shapes how we understand and respond to abuse. By moving beyond the narcissism framework to recognize coercive control for what it is, we empower survivors with clarity, appropriate resources, and paths to safety that truly address the dynamics they’re experiencing. You don’t need a diagnosis to justify the pain of abuse – you simply deserve to be free from it.

Next Steps

We specialize treating trauma, including helping people heal from coercively controlling abusive relationships. All therapists, counselors, life coaches, and interns are trained domestic abuse advocates, as well as trained in the best evidence-based modalities like EMDR, brainspotting, internal family systems, and somatic experiencing. Our biblical counselors & life coaches also can help you craft a new life as you heal.

Don’t wait one more day to find freedom and healing. Reach out for your free, 15-minute discovery call today.

Watch the Hey Tabi podcast episode where Founder & CEO discusses this topic.

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Becoming a police officer isn’t just a career—it’s a calling.

You’ve passed the interviews, survived the Academy, conquered the fitness exams, and now you’re ready to wear the badge as a police officer. Answering this call is courageous, but too many officers neglect one critical piece of preparation: mental and emotional resilience.

You’re training to protect others—but who’s protecting you?

The Cost and the Calling: What Police Academy Doesn’t Teach

The law enforcement journey begins with adrenaline, purpose, and pride—but also brings hidden dangers like depression, anxiety, burnout, and PTSD. The Academy prepares you physically and tactically, but mental and emotional preparedness are just as vital.

Dr. Kevin Gilmartin, author of Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement, famously notes, “Most police agencies train new officers to be sprinters and then enter them into a marathon.” You may be trained for tactical survival—but are you trained for psychological endurance?

Understanding the Hypervigilance Roller Coaster

In police work, hypervigilance is essential for survival—but it comes with a cost. Police officers are taught to treat every encounter as potentially dangerous. This state of constant alert taxes the nervous system and creates a cycle: high alert on duty, emotional crash off duty.

Gilmartin calls this post-shift low a “vegetative, off-duty phase.” Over time, this emotional whiplash can erode your relationships, sleep, and sense of self.

Key Statistic:

The average police officer experiences 178 critical incidents over a career—compared to just 2-3 for the average person [4].

Suppressing emotions to stay composed at scenes can lead to emotional numbness, and many officers turn to unhealthy coping strategies: alcohol, isolation, or misplaced aggression.

Worse, police officers face:

• 2–4x higher rates of PTSD and anxiety
• A higher risk of substance use disorders
• Suicide rates 3x the national average [3,4]

“It’s part of the job,” many say—but it doesn’t have to be.

Mental Health Preparation for Police Officers

1. Know Your Triggers

Triggers are cues—sights, sounds, memories—that spark emotional responses. They’re deeply personal and can make you feel powerless or unsafe. But identifying triggers gives you power. It helps you respond instead of react.

Recognizing physical (tight muscles, rapid heartbeat) and emotional (fear, anger, anxiety) signs of being triggered allows you to stay regulated and in control—even in high-stress moments.

2. Strengthen Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EI) is your ability to understand and manage emotions—yours and others’. For officers, EI is critical for de-escalation, decision-making, and leadership. Like firearms or tactical skills, EI takes intentional practice.

• Emotion regulation—naming what you feel (“name it to tame it”)—reduces overwhelm.
• Mindfulness techniques like grounding, deep breathing, and body scans help officers stay present, focused, and calm under pressure.

3. Build a Support System Before You Burn Out

The time to get a therapist isn’t after a crisis—it’s before. A trauma-informed therapist helps officers process experiences, build healthy coping skills, and prevent long-term damage.

• Therapy is not weakness—it’s self-protection.
• Strong communication with your partner or spouse is also vital. Officers face higher rates of relationship conflict and emotional disengagement [1].

Don’t wait until it’s too late—invest in your mental health early.

Healthy Habits: Leave Work at Work

Law enforcement culture often breeds isolation, but life outside the badge matters. Maintain relationships beyond the force. As retired NYPD officer Graham Campbell puts it:

“Keep your old friends.” [2]

Your badge is part of you, but not all of you. You are also a parent, friend, spouse, athlete, artist, or bookworm. Claiming your identity outside the uniform helps your nervous system learn when it’s safe to rest and recover.

Over-identifying with the job (“I am a police officer” vs. “I work as a police officer”) can lead to burnout and emotional disconnection. Learn to flip the switch between duty and downtime.

Final Word: You Are More Than the Uniform

The job will take what you give it—but it’s your responsibility to set the boundary. You were not built to carry trauma indefinitely, but you can build resilience. You don’t have to lose yourself to answer the call.

Let’s protect you—just as you protect us.

Are you a first responder realizing you need some support? 

The post Police Officer, Hold the Line: Mental Health Strategies for Aspiring and Active Law Enforcement appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

Am I struggling with something or do I need clarity in a relationship or other area?

Counseling could be really helpful. Running it by someone who is skilled at helping folks figure things out can really help you get the clarity you need or see an issue differently than you may have before.

Have I tried all I know to do and am still coming up short?

Sometimes we just can’t think of all the aspects of something and we need to talk it out. Counseling can really help you do that and help you come up with some new things to try or help you shift your perspective on a situation. Unlike a friend or family member, counselors don’t have a preconceived idea of the issue or of you.

Have I been through something really hard/awful that I’ve never told anyone or that I’ve never really addressed?

There are things we experience or that happen in our lives that are big deals. It could be sexual assault, being abandoned or abused by a parent, being in the military or law enforcement (or any first responder), an abusive relationship/spouse, or a host of other experiences that leave a mark. Sometimes people feel like they’re walking through life broken or like something is “off”. Counseling can help you heal from these hurts and live the life you know is there, but can be hard to find.

Have I had counseling for an issue in the past and that issue is coming back up?

That totally happens sometimes. I see it a lot in clients who have experienced sexual abuse or sexual assault. Dan Allender in his book, Healing the Wounded Heart, talks about it being like layers of the onion that sometimes need to be pulled apart at different times as we grow in our healing. So many people say, “I should be past this by now!” when the reality is it may just be time for the next step in the healing process.

Am I about to get married?

Premarital counseling can be unbelievably helpful. Therapists skilled in this process really help couples look for and address issues that can trip them up later. A good counselor can also help you learn skills that will serve you for decades. The average couple waits until they have been having issues for SIX years before they get help. You can save yourself a lot of heartache by starting off right and getting help along the way as needed.

Is my marriage in trouble?

A good couples/marriage counselor can be incredibly helpful in getting a marriage back on the right track. Even if situations that are really bad like a spouse having an affair occur, if both parties are willing to work on it healing can come. We have seen many marriages recover from incredible struggles and

Are you struggling in parenting your kiddos? 

Children don’t come out of the womb with an owner’s manual, though that would be super cool. There are some hard things parents have to figure out and a good counselor can help you do that. They can help you and your kiddo relate better and help you build stronger relationships. If your kiddo has a disability or challenge, it can be even harder on parent. Counseling can help you cope with the challenges.

Are your friends/family members telling you it might be good to get counseling? 

Sometimes our friends and family see us struggling and they feel powerless to help. They may suggest you see a counselor. If that is something you’ve heard from someone you care for and trust, it may be helpful to take a look at whether counseling could be helpful for you.

We hope this helps you answer the question, “How do I know if I need counseling in Wake Forest?” If you read these and thought, “Well dang, I fit one or more of these” we want to help! Reach out today at 919-891-0525 for your free, 15-minute consultation. We’d love to see you for counseling in our Wake Forest office!

The post How Do I Know if I Need Counseling in Wake Forest? appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

The answer might just be yes – thankfulness can keep you from needing counseling in Wake Forest!

Did you know that a practice of giving thanks – sometimes called gratitude – can actually help you reduce feelings of anxiety and depression? If you practice gratitude regularly you may find you don’t need counseling in Wake Forest – and if you do need counseling it might not be as long!

The Science

Giving thanks (gratitude), no matter what form it takes, is associated with happiness. Expressing our gratitude also can support long-term relationships. Not only can gratitude boost your mood and strengthen relationships, but it also can improve your physical health. Research shows that practicing gratitude helps improve sleep and increase energy. It also shows that gratitude can be an “natural antidepressant” releasing dopamine and serotonin into the brain, which boosts mood. There is even evidence that maintaining a gratitude journal can reduce pain. Research conducted by HeartMath found that positive thoughts – like gratitude – can actually stop the physiological stress responses. There is even more information on how the practice of giving thanks can positively impact the brain structure, and this article is really great if you want o learn more!

The Practice

Here are some amazing (and easy!) ways to practice giving thanks so you can reap the amazing benefits this practice holds!

1. Gratitude journal – No need to be all fancy here (unless that’s your jam). A simple notebook is sufficient. Take a few minutes each day to write down at least five things for which you are grateful. It can be literally anything, even “I’m grateful I had enough gas in my car to get to work today.” Even on the worst days there are at least five things to be thankful for. If you’re afraid you’ll forget, set an alarm or reminder on your phone.
2. I Appreciate – Tell someone three things you appreciate about them. You can appreciate anything – even the day-to-day stuff that you’re thankful for but never comment on. For example, if your spouse or child takes out the trash you can say, “Thank you so much for taking out the trash. I appreciate it.” I know you might be saying, “But it’s their job to take out the trash. It has to be done anyway.” Yes, that is true, but you are still grateful because it’s done and now you don’t have to worry about it. We practice this one with couples all the time. It is amazing to see how it changes and strengthens relationships to simply be appreciative.
3. Say “thank you” – Most of us are conditioned to do this, at least a bit. But do we thank everyone? Do we actually mean it when we say it? Make it a practice to genuinely thank the cashier at the grocery store, the person helping you at the DMV, and the kids for finally picking up their socks.
4. Pay it forward – When you can, do a random act of kindness. That can be as simple as picking up litter you find or as elaborate as paying for the person’s order behind you in line at Starbucks.
5. Write a note to a friend – You can do this on actual paper or through a text or email. There is a lot of value in actually doing it on paper. It slows your brain down and uses a whole different processing mechanism than an electronic format does. If you mail the note to the friend that can be really powerful and meaningful. How awesome is it to get mail that isn’t a bill or junk?
6. Thankfulness jar – Get a mason jar and some small slips of paper. Starting on Thanksgiving, and then daily thereafter, write down one thing for which you are thankful. Have each family member do it with you. Next Thanksgiving you’ll have 365 reminders of the good things you experienced throughout the year.

The art of giving thanks is one that can have a huge reward for those who practice it – maybe even keeping you from needing counseling in Wake Forest. If you’re feeling stuck and not sure how to even a thankfulness practice started, we would be happy to chat with you about counseling in our Wake Forest office. Reach out today at 919-891-0525 for your free, 15-minute consultation.

The post Thankfulness Instead of Counseling in Wake Forest? appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.