Am I struggling with something or do I need clarity in a relationship or other area?

Counseling could be really helpful. Running it by someone who is skilled at helping folks figure things out can really help you get the clarity you need or see an issue differently than you may have before.

Have I tried all I know to do and am still coming up short?

Sometimes we just can’t think of all the aspects of something and we need to talk it out. Counseling can really help you do that and help you come up with some new things to try or help you shift your perspective on a situation. Unlike a friend or family member, counselors don’t have a preconceived idea of the issue or of you.

Have I been through something really hard/awful that I’ve never told anyone or that I’ve never really addressed?

There are things we experience or that happen in our lives that are big deals. It could be sexual assault, being abandoned or abused by a parent, being in the military or law enforcement (or any first responder), an abusive relationship/spouse, or a host of other experiences that leave a mark. Sometimes people feel like they’re walking through life broken or like something is “off”. Counseling can help you heal from these hurts and live the life you know is there, but can be hard to find.

Have I had counseling for an issue in the past and that issue is coming back up?

That totally happens sometimes. I see it a lot in clients who have experienced sexual abuse or sexual assault. Dan Allender in his book, Healing the Wounded Heart, talks about it being like layers of the onion that sometimes need to be pulled apart at different times as we grow in our healing. So many people say, “I should be past this by now!” when the reality is it may just be time for the next step in the healing process.

Am I about to get married?

Premarital counseling can be unbelievably helpful. Therapists skilled in this process really help couples look for and address issues that can trip them up later. A good counselor can also help you learn skills that will serve you for decades. The average couple waits until they have been having issues for SIX years before they get help. You can save yourself a lot of heartache by starting off right and getting help along the way as needed.

Is my marriage in trouble?

A good couples/marriage counselor can be incredibly helpful in getting a marriage back on the right track. Even if situations that are really bad like a spouse having an affair occur, if both parties are willing to work on it healing can come. We have seen many marriages recover from incredible struggles and

Are you struggling in parenting your kiddos? 

Children don’t come out of the womb with an owner’s manual, though that would be super cool. There are some hard things parents have to figure out and a good counselor can help you do that. They can help you and your kiddo relate better and help you build stronger relationships. If your kiddo has a disability or challenge, it can be even harder on parent. Counseling can help you cope with the challenges.

Are your friends/family members telling you it might be good to get counseling? 

Sometimes our friends and family see us struggling and they feel powerless to help. They may suggest you see a counselor. If that is something you’ve heard from someone you care for and trust, it may be helpful to take a look at whether counseling could be helpful for you.

We hope this helps you answer the question, “How do I know if I need counseling in Wake Forest?” If you read these and thought, “Well dang, I fit one or more of these” we want to help! Reach out today at 919-891-0525 for your free, 15-minute consultation. We’d love to see you for counseling in our Wake Forest office!

The post How Do I Know if I Need Counseling in Wake Forest? appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

The answer might just be yes – thankfulness can keep you from needing counseling in Wake Forest!

Did you know that a practice of giving thanks – sometimes called gratitude – can actually help you reduce feelings of anxiety and depression? If you practice gratitude regularly you may find you don’t need counseling in Wake Forest – and if you do need counseling it might not be as long!

The Science

Giving thanks (gratitude), no matter what form it takes, is associated with happiness. Expressing our gratitude also can support long-term relationships. Not only can gratitude boost your mood and strengthen relationships, but it also can improve your physical health. Research shows that practicing gratitude helps improve sleep and increase energy. It also shows that gratitude can be an “natural antidepressant” releasing dopamine and serotonin into the brain, which boosts mood. There is even evidence that maintaining a gratitude journal can reduce pain. Research conducted by HeartMath found that positive thoughts – like gratitude – can actually stop the physiological stress responses. There is even more information on how the practice of giving thanks can positively impact the brain structure, and this article is really great if you want o learn more!

The Practice

Here are some amazing (and easy!) ways to practice giving thanks so you can reap the amazing benefits this practice holds!

1. Gratitude journal – No need to be all fancy here (unless that’s your jam). A simple notebook is sufficient. Take a few minutes each day to write down at least five things for which you are grateful. It can be literally anything, even “I’m grateful I had enough gas in my car to get to work today.” Even on the worst days there are at least five things to be thankful for. If you’re afraid you’ll forget, set an alarm or reminder on your phone.
2. I Appreciate – Tell someone three things you appreciate about them. You can appreciate anything – even the day-to-day stuff that you’re thankful for but never comment on. For example, if your spouse or child takes out the trash you can say, “Thank you so much for taking out the trash. I appreciate it.” I know you might be saying, “But it’s their job to take out the trash. It has to be done anyway.” Yes, that is true, but you are still grateful because it’s done and now you don’t have to worry about it. We practice this one with couples all the time. It is amazing to see how it changes and strengthens relationships to simply be appreciative.
3. Say “thank you” – Most of us are conditioned to do this, at least a bit. But do we thank everyone? Do we actually mean it when we say it? Make it a practice to genuinely thank the cashier at the grocery store, the person helping you at the DMV, and the kids for finally picking up their socks.
4. Pay it forward – When you can, do a random act of kindness. That can be as simple as picking up litter you find or as elaborate as paying for the person’s order behind you in line at Starbucks.
5. Write a note to a friend – You can do this on actual paper or through a text or email. There is a lot of value in actually doing it on paper. It slows your brain down and uses a whole different processing mechanism than an electronic format does. If you mail the note to the friend that can be really powerful and meaningful. How awesome is it to get mail that isn’t a bill or junk?
6. Thankfulness jar – Get a mason jar and some small slips of paper. Starting on Thanksgiving, and then daily thereafter, write down one thing for which you are thankful. Have each family member do it with you. Next Thanksgiving you’ll have 365 reminders of the good things you experienced throughout the year.

The art of giving thanks is one that can have a huge reward for those who practice it – maybe even keeping you from needing counseling in Wake Forest. If you’re feeling stuck and not sure how to even a thankfulness practice started, we would be happy to chat with you about counseling in our Wake Forest office. Reach out today at 919-891-0525 for your free, 15-minute consultation.

The post Thankfulness Instead of Counseling in Wake Forest? appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

Myth No. 1 – You have to be severely mentally ill, “crazy,” or have a serious problem to go to counseling

Fact: You don’t have to have any of that going on for counseling to be beneficial – and, really, who defines “crazy” anyway? Getting counseling early on can help keep you from having a serious problem or mental illness. We don’t just go to the doctor when stuff is wrong – we get an annual physical every year to make sure we’re all good. Counseling is like good preventive medicine. It helps us sort through the little things so they don’t become big things.

Myth No. 2 – Someone who doesn’t know me can’t help me

Fact: It’s actually really helpful a counselor does not know you. We don’t have any preconceived ideas about you like friends or family. We also are able to help you challenge yourself in a way friends or family can’t or won’t. We also don’t tell you what to do – we help you figure that out and help you develop the strength to do it.

Myth No. 3 – Counselor just sit and nod from their little chair with a scowl on their face.

Fact: The way TV and movies portray counselors is pretty ridiculous. We have comfortable spaces and we talk with you. A counselor who just sits and stares with a blank expression and only the occasional head nod is a made for TV fiction. Counselors should be engaging and talking with you. Good counselors generally do more listening than speaking, but they are not detached and distant.

Myth No. 4 – Counseling will take foreveeeeerrrrr

Fact: Counseling is not designed to be a forever thing. We tell our clients we want to help them meet their goals and live their life, remembering us fondly (or even not remembering us at all!). It does take longer for some folks than others, depending on what’s going on. However, the goal is that you’ll be able to get where you want to go and then weekly counseling won’t be needed anymore.

Myth No. 5 – Once I’ve met my goals I can never see my counselor again

Fact: You can always come back if something comes up or if you just need to check in. You may not need weekly sessions anymore, but you can always get a tune up. I often recommend quarterly tune-up visits to clients – especially couples – to maintain the amazing work they’ve done. And you can always try out different counselors for different seasons of life. Who you saw as a single 20-something may not be the best fit when you’re a 30-something with three kids. (For more info on how to find a counselor, check out our blog here).

We hope this has helped dispel some myths about counseling in Wake Forest NC for you! We want you to find the most amazing counselor and attain those goals you have. If we can be of help in getting you connected to one of our team, reach out today at 919-891-0525 for your free, 15-minute consultation. We’d love to see you in our Wake Forest office!

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What is a hike?

A hike is any walk on a greenway or trail, no matter how far you go. It could be a few hundred feet to a stream. It could be a thru hike all 2,190 miles of the Appalachian Trail. It could be anything in between. Distance is less relevant than time outside. In fact, research done at Harvard showed that as little as 20 minutes spent in nature can lower stress.

What can a hike do for me?

We already talked about how that time outside can lower stress – in fact it dramatically reduces the stress hormone cortisol in the body. It can also lower depression and anxiety. Hiking encourages mindfulness and gratitude, both of which have been shown to reduce these feelings. It gives your brain a break from all the stimulus we have in our day-to-day life.

Hiking exposes us to natural light, which can help us sleep better. Getting enough rest is key to being able to handle the stressors of life. When we aren’t rested, our window of tolerance (our ability to handle life) is squished substantially, making it way harder to manage when things go sideways. We can think of a hike as literally opening our window!

Hiking can reduce symptoms of PTSD. In fact, there are organizations that take veterans on hikes as a way to help manage and eliminate these symptoms. Warrior Expeditions is one of my personal favorites.

Hiking also can foster a social connection. A few years ago, I stumbled upon the thru hiking community – the several thousand people a year who attempt to hike big trails from one end to the other. These people have each other’s backs – from those who are attempting those big hikes to the trail angels that provide support and encouragement (if you want to see some of the thru hiker community in action, you can check out my friend Kim’s vlog of her hikes). And these aren’t the only solid humans I’ve met while hiking. Day hikers (those of us folks who are taking a much shorter walk than a thru hike) are also generally great. I’ve talked to many other hikers as I’ve slowly hiked up a mountain wondering where in the heck the top actually was. On one hike I ended up keeping pace with this really sweet retired couple and got hear about their adventures and travels as we slowly climbed to the top. In this social media world that actually fosters less socialization, these connections can be incredibly life-giving.

I’m sold. But I’ve never hiked. How do I get started?

First, find a trail! Apps like All Trails and REI’s Hiking Project are great! Here are some of my favorite trails in and near Wake Forest.

1. Joyner Park. Easy places to walk, paved paths, cool old buildings, just generally beautiful.
2. Neuse River Greenway Trail. This is a paved trail that runs from Falls Lake Dam to Johnston County for a total of 27.5 miles. It has loads of great trail heads with easy access. It runs along the river and I would rate it as easy.
3. Annie Louise Wilkerson MD Nature Preserve. Yes, that is a long name for a park. There are great trails here that I’d rate easy overall, as well as really cool natural playground for the kiddos. The Epps Forest Loop also has a connector to the Mountains to Sea Trail.
4. Mountains to Sea Trail. This one does, in fact, go from the NC mountains to the coast. The area around Falls Lake is lovely and, as mentioned above, you can easily access the trail from Annie Louise and many other places near Wake Forest. I’d rate this trail moderate to strenuous, depending on the section.
5. Appalachian Trail. About five hours from Wake Forest and totally worth the drive. There are great places to park and hike however far you like. Do know sections of this trail are remote and there is no cell service, even with the big carriers like Verizon. If you aren’t a regular hiker already it would be wise to do some research so you’re prepared. Blue Ridge Hiking Company is great if you want to try a guided hike.

These are only a handful of awesome trails to check out. Wherever you take your hike, you’ll reap the amazing benefits it has to offer.

Now you know why your Wake Forest counselor told you to take a hike!

Don’t have a counselor in Wake Forest, but need one? Feel free to reach out to us at 919-891-0521 or fill this out for your free, 15-minute consultation for Counseling in Wake Forest NC.

The post My Wake Forest Counselor Told Me to Take A Hike! appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

Annie knew something was wrong and suspected she may have an eating disorder. She laughed it off, thinking, “I’m in my 30s. That’s a thing that only happens to young college kids.” Time went on, and Annie realized she was not able to overcome her eating issues on her own. A close friend recommended treatment. Annie thought, “No way. I’ll be the old lady there. I’m a professional business woman. I’ll be this weird anomaly.” But the nagging voice inside her telling her it really was an issue and she really did need help could no longer be quieted. Annie called a local treatment center after doing some research and did a preliminary screening. The screener recommended she be admitted to treatment. Annie was stunned. She asked, “Do I really have an eating disorder? Aren’t those just for kids?” The person on the other end of the line had heard this before and was kind and gentle as she explained that, no, eating disorders are not only for kids. Anyone, of any age, any socioeconomic status, any gender, and any race can suffer from an eating disorder. Annie agreed to enter treatment.

On her admitting day, Annie was terrified. She was shaking and near tears. She was sure – absolutely sure – she was going to be the oldest there by decades. She gingerly walked through the door and surrendered her belongings. After completing all the paperwork she began being included in the program. She was shocked to see she was not the oldest. A diverse array of men and women were there getting treatment. Annie started to relax and joined them on the journey of recovery.

When many people think of eating disorders they think of a white, female, freshman in college who stops eating to avoid the dreaded “freshman 15” and then gets stuck. While that is the profile for some who struggle, that is far from the only face of those who struggle. Anyone, of any age, can struggle with an eating disorder. In fact, according the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD), 13% of women over the age of 50 engage in eating disorder behavior. Men account for about 1/3 of those diagnosed with an eating disorder. When it comes to prevalence in older adults, even the AARP has taken notice and wrote an article about it in 2014.

If you are a more mature adult and realize you may be struggling with either an eating disorder or have a disordered eating pattern that could become problematic, you may be reticent to seek treatment because you think the only people there will be white, college-age girls. As the story above illustrates, that is unlikely to be true. As someone in your 30s and beyond, you may also be concerned about how to manage your job and home. There are many types of programs out there – some are intensive outpatient and partial hospitalization, both of which can allow you to continue to work – and you can find one that will work for you. Don’t let your fear stand in the way of your recovery.

If you or someone you love are struggling with disordered eating patterns, I would be happy to see how I may be able to help. Call 919-891-0525 today for a free, 15-minute consultation. Appointments may be scheduled for my Wake Forest counseling office or online.

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