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	<title>personal growth Archives - Tabitha Westbrook</title>
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		<title>The Family Fixer Role: How Childhood Trauma Creates the Need to Fix Everyone</title>
		<link>https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/family-fixer-role/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=family-fixer-role</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Tabitha Westbrook]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 29 May 2026 06:00:20 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Couples/Marriage]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Family Therapy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Trauma]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Trauma / PTSD]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[coercive control]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[complex trauma healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[domestic abuse recovery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional abuse awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[healing from trauma]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[nervous system regulation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Trauma Healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[trauma recovery]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/?p=7976</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Written by Gwen Soat, LCMHCA Are you in the Family Fixer role? You Might Be in the Family Fixer Role If… You have become the “therapist friend” or the “fixer partner.” You feel guilty choosing yourself or your own needs if it makes someone else upset. You struggle to say “no.” You anticipate problems before [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/family-fixer-role/">The Family Fixer Role: How Childhood Trauma Creates the Need to Fix Everyone</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com">Tabitha Westbrook</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/about-our-wake-forest-therapists/about-gwen-soat-wake-forest-trauma-therapist/"><em>Written by Gwen Soat, LCMHCA</em></a></p>
<h2>Are you in the Family Fixer role?</h2>
<p><strong><em>You Might Be in the Family Fixer Role If…</em></strong></p>
<ul>
<li>You have become the “therapist friend” or the “fixer partner.”</li>
<li>You feel guilty choosing yourself or your own needs if it makes someone else upset.</li>
<li>You struggle to say “no.”</li>
<li>You anticipate problems before they happen, sensing tension before anyone else notices.</li>
<li>You often overbook yourself because you always say “yes” when someone needs you.</li>
<li>You panic internally when someone is upset with you.</li>
<li>You often apologize for things that aren’t your fault.</li>
<li>You’re the reliable one, everyone’s “go-to.”</li>
<li>You’ve been called “too sensitive.”</li>
<li>You seem to figure it out when no one else knows what to do.</li>
</ul>
<p>You were always monitoring the room, anticipating tension before anyone else noticed. You learned to scan for conflict, shifts in tone, or signs that someone was upset. Staying ahead of the chaos felt safer than having to react to it.</p>
<p>You may have been praised for being “mature,” “easy,” or “so responsible.” Adults admired how helpful you were. What they often didn’t realize was that your maturity came from survival, not safety.</p>
<p>Your needs became secondary to everyone else’s. You learned that being helpful kept the peace, earned approval, or prevented conflict. Somewhere along the way, being loved became tangled with being useful.</p>
<p><strong>You were the Fixer.</strong></p>
<h2>What is the Family Fixer Role?</h2>
<p>The <strong>family fixer role</strong> is a dynamic in which one family member carries the emotional labor and keeps the family system functioning. The Fixer is often the one jumping in when there’s a problem, solving pain, and stabilizing everyone to maintain the family’s peace.</p>
<p>Where the Golden Child carries the expectation and the Scapegoat carries the blame, the Fixer carries the <em>responsibility</em> of the family.</p>
<h2>What it Looks Like to Be in the Family Fixer Role</h2>
<p>The person in the family fixer role is often incredibly competent, calm, and nurturing. They are emotionally intelligent and level-headed in a crisis. These are wonderful skills, but they were hard-earned and necessary. The Fixer often steps into this role because someone has to.</p>
<p>The Fixer typically puts themselves aside to become a blank slate, managing everyone else’s emotions. They are usually only praised when they are in this role and criticized or punished when their own emotions or needs get in the way.</p>
<p>Whether the problem is emotional, relational, financial, or logistical, the Fixer steps in to help. Their main goal is to manage the emotions and crises in the family, feeling wholly responsible for the outcome.</p>
<h2>What it Feels Like to Be in the Family Fixer Role</h2>
<p><em>The Fixer may feel like they are drowning while making sure everyone else can breathe.</em></p>
<p>They are the reason airplane attendants remind us to put on our own oxygen mask before helping others. The Fixer has been taught to put everyone else’s needs first, always.</p>
<p>The Fixer’s biggest fears are others’ suffering and being helpless to do anything about it. They feel safest when they are in control or acting as a leader. They are constantly scanning the room, looking for tension and adjusting their behavior to keep the peace. This is constant emotional attunement, and being in a chronic state of emotional monitoring is actually a form of <strong>hypervigilance</strong>.</p>
<h2>How the Family Fixer Role is Formed</h2>
<p>Many families where the family fixer role develops have caregivers who are emotionally immature, unavailable, or volatile. This dynamic is common in families where one or more caregivers have unmanaged mental health issues, alcohol dependency, constant conflict between adults, or where showing emotion was proven to be unsafe and unwelcome.</p>
<p>The child learns that if they can manage everyone emotionally, the home feels safer. They learn that anticipating needs prevents chaos. So, they push aside their own feelings, needs, and preferences in order to maintain a false sense of stability.</p>
<h2>What it Costs You to Be the Family Fixer</h2>
<p>Growing up in the family fixer role, the adult Fixer often struggles to know their own personal needs. They may not know the answers to simple questions like, “What do you want to do?” Instead, they focus on others and what those others may want.</p>
<p>The Fixer confuses being needed for being loved. They learn that love is conditional on managing their partner or making others’ lives as easy as possible.</p>
<p>At work or in friendships, the Fixer becomes everyone’s “go-to” and feels indispensable. They become hyper-responsible. This makes building boundaries and identifying their own needs feel nearly impossible, because the praise they receive further reinforces the need to be needed.</p>
<p>The Fixer may also struggle to receive help, since they only feel loved when they are the one giving it. Saying “No” feels almost impossible. They overextend themselves and take on too much to appease everyone else.</p>
<p>It is not uncommon for the person in the family fixer role to develop deep resentment when they are burnt out from constant monitoring and fixing. This over giving does have an end, and at that end is resentment, passive-aggressive behavior, emotional outbursts, or withdrawal. Their anger is rarely explosive, but instead a seething question: <em>“Why does everything fall on me?”</em> And even then, the Fixer often blames themselves for not being stronger.</p>
<h2>What Healing Looks Like for the Family Fixer Role</h2>
<h3>For Parents of the Fixer</h3>
<p>It is never too late to minimize the damage done. Here are a few ways to foster healing in this dynamic:</p>
<p><strong>Create Space for the Fixer. </strong>Allow the Fixer to feel whatever they need to feel. Let them explore their own likes and needs. This helps them recapture their autonomy and personhood outside of being needed.</p>
<p><strong>Do the Work. </strong>When parents go to therapy or find healthy ways to manage their own emotions, it begins to remove some of the burden from the Fixer. It is not the child’s job to be a parent’s therapist.</p>
<p><strong>Praise Their Wholeness. </strong>The Fixer is far more than what they do for others. Allow them to be fully human, with strengths and weaknesses, flaws and graces. Praise them for being whole, not just useful.</p>
<h3>For the Fixer: Steps Toward Healing</h3>
<p><em>You are far more than what you can give. You have adapted well and fought hard to help. You deserve to be helped too. You don’t have to carry it all alone.</em></p>
<p><strong>Boundaries. </strong>The Fixer deserves boundaries after a lifetime of having essentially none. Creating space for personal needs and time does not reflect on your worth. “No” is a complete sentence. You are allowed to say it.</p>
<p><strong>Reconnecting with You. </strong>Reconnecting with your own needs, wants, and desires is a powerful step toward healing. Asking yourself what you want and how you feel can begin to give your own needs a voice, for perhaps the first time.</p>
<p><strong>Therapy and Community. </strong>The Fixer is so used to being everyone’s person. They are the shoulder to cry on, the “I’ll handle it” friend. How the Fixer shows up for their people, they deserve people to show up for them too, with boundaries, with love, and with earnestly gentle care.</p>
<h2>You Were Never Meant to Carry it Alone</h2>
<p>The caretaker. The enabler. The strong one. The emotional manager. The Fixer. However you have had to show up, however you have felt you had to earn love, it is not all you’re worth.</p>
<p>It may have felt like you had to earn your place. You may be tired, dear friend. You have been carrying so much. You deserve support. You were never meant to carry it alone.</p>
<p>If you read this and felt the &#8220;oof&#8221; in your chest, whether you’re in the Family Fixer role or a parent recognizing you&#8217;ve fostered this dynamic, we have a team of wonderful <a href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/meet-our-team-trauma-therapists/">therapists and coaches</a> here at The Journey and The Process who would love to walk alongside your healing journey. Healing is possible, and it would be an honor to walk with you.</p>
<p><strong>Reach out below for a free, 15-minute consultation today.</strong></p>
<h3><a href="https://link.therasaas.com/widget/form/KRmBDIvQdhtfjcugsoRg"><img loading="lazy" class="wp-image-7725 aligncenter" src="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Consultation-schedule-300x94.png" alt="Wake Forest Flower Mound Anxiety Trauma Therapy" width="399" height="125" /></a></h3>
<h3>Need more than blogs? Join our Transformational Topics Community.</h3>
<p>You need more than just a blog. You need a deeper dive because you&#8217;re so ready to heal. Therapy or coaching might be out of reach for you right now. Or you just need a little more between sessions.</p>
<p>That&#8217;s where the Transformational Topics Community comes in.</p>
<p>The Transformational Topics Community is a private membership for trauma survivors who are ready to move from surviving to truly living. Each month, our licensed therapists and certified coaches guide you through one carefully chosen healing topic. It begins with a private podcast episode delivered directly to your favorite app—no new logins, no extra platforms. Just press play.</p>
<p>From there, you’ll receive three weeks of practical tools designed to help you gently apply what you’re learning to your real life.</p>
<p>Worksheets. Journal prompts. Art prompts. Short videos. Audio practices. And once a quarter you&#8217;ll get a live zoom with other community members and our amazing team.</p>
<p>This is not busywork—real tools for real life.</p>
<p>Each one is thoughtfully created to help you:</p>
<ul>
<li>understand yourself more deeply</li>
<li>reconnect with your body</li>
<li>and begin building the life you know is possible</li>
</ul>
<p>Expert-backed. Compassionately guided. Created for people who need support but may not have access to therapy right now.</p>
<p>This is not therapy or coaching. But for many, it may be your next best step forward. Join us now for just $10/month.</p>
<p style="text-align: center"><a href="app.helloaudio.fm/feed/6907e1ce-23d2-4296-835e-5b478472f514/signup"><img loading="lazy" class="alignnone wp-image-7872 size-medium" src="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Transformational-Topics-Community-Button-3-300x94.png" alt="trauma healing support online" width="300" height="94" /></a></p>
<h5></h5>
<h5><strong>References</strong></h5>
<p>[1] Bailey, K. (n.d.). Why you feel responsible for everyone: The burden of the family fixer. Lime Tree Counseling. https://limetreecounseling.com/family-fixer-role-adult-child-of-alcoholic/</p>
<p>[2] Gillis, K. (2023). 8 Common dysfunctional family roles. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/invisible-bruises/202303/8-common-dysfunctional-family-roles</p>
<p>[3] Integrated Care Clinic (2025). The masks we wear: Roles shaped by our childhood homes. https://integratedcareclinic.com/blog/the-masks-we-wear-roles-shaped-by-our-childhood-homes/</p>
<p>[4] Stillwater Therapy (n.d.). Breaking old family roles: You’re not the “fixer” anymore. https://www.stillwater-therapy.com/resources/breaking-old-family-roles-youre-not-the-fixer-anymore</p>
<p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/family-fixer-role/">The Family Fixer Role: How Childhood Trauma Creates the Need to Fix Everyone</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com">Tabitha Westbrook</a>.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
					
		
		
		<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">7976</post-id>	</item>
		<item>
		<title>Golden Child Syndrome &#8211; What it is and how to heal</title>
		<link>https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/golden-child-syndrome/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=golden-child-syndrome</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Tabitha Westbrook]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 15 May 2026 12:44:39 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Anxiety]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Parenting]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[coercive control]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[complex trauma healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[counselor wake forest]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[domestic abuse recovery]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[EMDR Flower Mound]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[healing from trauma]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[healthy relationships]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[nervous system regulation]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/?p=7952</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Written by Gwen Soat, LCMHCA You Might Be Experiencing the Golden Child Syndrome If… You feel anxious when you’re not being productive You struggle to know what you actually want You seek acceptance, but praise often feels uncomfortable You fear disappointing people more than anything You put everyone else’s needs above your own You’ve been [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/golden-child-syndrome/">Golden Child Syndrome &#8211; What it is and how to heal</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com">Tabitha Westbrook</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/about-our-wake-forest-therapists/about-gwen-soat-wake-forest-trauma-therapist/"><em>Written by Gwen Soat, LCMHCA</em></a></p>
<h2>You Might Be Experiencing the Golden Child Syndrome If…</h2>
<ul>
<li>You feel anxious when you’re not being productive</li>
<li>You struggle to know what <em>you </em>actually want</li>
<li>You seek acceptance, but praise often feels uncomfortable</li>
<li>You fear disappointing people more than anything</li>
<li>You put everyone else’s needs above your own</li>
<li>You’ve been called “mature for your age” your entire life</li>
</ul>
<p>You were the easy one, the pleasure to have in class, the one your parents didn’t have to worry about. You knew how to be good. You had everything together. You made it look so easy. No one saw what it cost you to stay that way.</p>
<h5>You were the Golden Child.</h5>
<p>In a family system, each person often falls into a role – spoken or unspoken. It’s the way the system seems to function, with each member fulfilling a duty. This 14-part series explores common family roles found in dysfunctional family systems and how they shape the way we show up in relationships, work, and identity. We’re starting with the one that often gets praised the most…and questioned the least. Golden child syndrome.</p>
<p>The Golden Child is the favored child who often receives special treatment, high praise, and meets high standards. The Golden Child is often the one who can do no wrong – or more accurately, the one who is not allowed to.</p>
<p>Let’s also quickly explain what we mean here by syndrome. A syndrome is a group of behaviors or traits that tend to occur together. A syndrome describes what is happening, but unlike a disorder, it doesn&#8217;t always have a single, clearly understood root cause. As you’ll see, the Golden Child Syndrome is formed through a varied family system dynamic that has many layers that include the role he/she is placed in and learns and his/her own way of being that is part of the innate self.</p>
<h1>What it Looks Like:</h1>
<p>From the outside, The Golden Child may look privileged and highly regarded in their family. They may receive constant praise for their achievements, earned or not. But this praise comes with strings attached.</p>
<p>The Golden Child is often held to unrealistic expectations and face consequences when they are not met. Consequences in this role do not often look like punishment in the traditional sense but instead may come in the form of the withholding of love and acceptance. The Golden Child learns quickly: if they are not “perfect,” they are not worthy of love.</p>
<h1>What it Feels Like to Be the Golden Child</h1>
<p>Being the Golden Child can be incredibly lonely. They are often ostracized from their siblings; the pedestal they’re placed on keeps them out of reach. The siblings of the Golden Child often develop resentment and jealousy. The Golden Child may cope with this elevated status by developing entitlement-oriented and superiority-driven traits that live up to this “perfect” image they seek to obtain. From the outside, their suffering can look like privilege. What it really is, though, is a coping mechanism to receive love and care.</p>
<p>The Golden Child often develops intense people-pleasing tendencies, carrying the belief that others’ needs must come before their own. Many Golden Children struggle to identify what their own needs could be, their identity slowly shaping itself around expectations and external praise.</p>
<p>Perfectionism and the fear of failure become the armor the Golden Child learns to wear. When someone is taught that their worth is directly derived from their ability to be “perfect,” failure becomes a terrifying option.</p>
<h1>How the Golden Child is Formed (Golden Child Syndrome)</h1>
<p>Favoritism plays a lead role in the formation of golden child syndrome. One child is often selected as the idol in the sibling line-up, assigned to take on the expectations and dreams of the family system.</p>
<p>The Golden Child’s existence may revolve around the parents’ attempt to live vicariously through them. Rather than being a separate being with their own strengths, weaknesses, hopes, and dreams, the Golden Child becomes an extension of the parent or caregiver. This version of themselves the parents see through their Golden Child is an idealized version. When the Golden Child does not live up to this dream and ambition, they are often harshly criticized.</p>
<p>This criticism often comes wrapped in the package of coercion. The family system makes it unsafe for the Golden Child to be anything aside from “perfect.” The child may not feel safe voicing their opinions or feelings.</p>
<p>Conditional love becomes the foundation of the Golden Child’s world. Their identity, motivations, and role become defined by the approval and acceptance of their family system. Yet, the system has taught them that the only way they can gain this approval and acceptance is through performance. This codependent and symbiotic relationship between parents and the Golden Child fuels the system and ensures the Golden Child continues seeking approval and strives to accomplish the family’s goals. The Golden Child learns that if they stop performing properly or agreeing wholly, the love vanishes. Their nervous systems become wired for relentless achievement and hypervigilance in seeking acceptance or rejection.</p>
<h1>What it Costs You to Be the Golden Child</h1>
<p>Bessel van der Kolk, MD, a psychiatrist and trauma researcher, found that childhoods fraught with conditional approval produces hyperactive threat-detection systems in the nervous system that endure into adulthood. Conditional love breeds hypervigilance in Golden Children – one of the most enduring effects of golden child syndrome. These Golden Children often grow into adults who are trained to monitor and respond to others’ emotional states in order to maintain their own safety. Existing in a constant state of fearing rejection can quickly escalate to emotional burnout, chronic stress, and other states of havoc in the Golden Child’s nervous system. The Golden Child’s body may stay on high alert, even in moments that are supposed to feel safe.</p>
<p>Growing up in a home where their parents offered love in return for accomplishment, the Golden Child often seeks external validation. They may struggle to develop a healthy sense of self-worth and autonomy outside of their parents’ expectations and validation. As adults, this can morph into a desire to hear external validation from other authority figures, such as a boss, or from their romantic partners.</p>
<p>The Golden Child from childhood to adulthood may struggle with criticism. In their role, failure or perceived weakness was enough to challenge their worth as a human. If they were to not meet expectations, they were no longer worthy of being loved. When someone criticizes them, even constructively, it can feel like a personal attack. Many Golden Children do not tolerate this type of feedback.</p>
<p>In turn, the Golden Child as an adult may also struggle to accept positive feedback as well. Growing up in a home where their identity was crafted by praise, receiving compliments may feel dangerous and trigger their same anxiety from childhood.</p>
<p>The Golden Child’s self-image is one of the most devastating casualties of golden child syndrome. Unable to form an identity outside of their family’s acceptance and praise, the Golden Child may view themselves constantly as “not good enough” when “perfect” is out of reach. This inadequacy haunts the Golden Child throughout their life, in their relationships, career aspirations, and achievements unless they begin to examine their way of being. They may find it difficult to trust their own judgment, leading to difficulties becoming independent and making decisions. In their roles as adults, they may develop imposter syndrome, not believing they are capable or worthy of their positions because they are never quite “good enough.”</p>
<p>Dan Siegel, MD, a clinical professor of psychiatry, found that children raised with performance-based, conditional love are significantly more likely to show symptoms of anxiety and lower inherent motivation in adulthood compared to the children in homes with unconditional positive regard. We worked with a teen client whose parents were exacting in their expectations and she, needing their love and support, worked hard to meet them. The result was burnout and suicidality at the tender age of just sixteen.</p>
<p>The Golden Children as Golden Adults become anxious and struggle to find motivation away from their parents’ approval. Rest can begin to feel unsafe, even if earned. Slowing down can feel like losing your worth. It often leads the Golden Child to constantly over-book or overload themselves in an attempt to avoid that feeling.</p>
<p>Relationships with family are often casualties to being anointed the Golden Child. Sibling dynamics are often fraught with jealousy and resentment from the other siblings and guilt from the Golden Child. They often carry guilt–knowing, even if they couldn’t fully name it, that the way they were treated wasn’t the same as everyone else. The Golden Child may develop resentment toward their parents, creating a complicated source of inadequacy, lost worth, and lack of identity.</p>
<h1>What Healing Looks Like:</h1>
<h2><em>Parents</em></h2>
<p>Parents of Golden Children, it isn’t too late to mend this imbalance. There are a number of ways to create healing in the family dynamic when you realize you’ve inadvertently created Golden Child syndrome for one of your children:</p>
<ol>
<li>Setting Healthy Boundaries</li>
</ol>
<p>Creating boundaries in the family that ensures attention is balanced between siblings is a strong way to amend the damage created by the Golden Child role. With our young client, the parents were able to see as we worked together how their expectations were formed by their own struggles and fears and were able to balance the family dynamic.</p>
<ol>
<li>Encourage Identity Independent of Praise</li>
</ol>
<p>Parental praise cannot be the end-all-be-all of the child’s worth. Encouraging the children to explore their own experiences and feelings about them can help remediate this damage. Rather than praising the child’s accomplishments, parents can honor the traits the child exhibited (e.g., courage, strength, wisdom, kindness, honesty, empathy, curiosity, etc.). For our client and her family, her parents actively praised things other than her accomplishments. They also praised her accomplishments, which is appropriate and needed, but it was no longer the sum total of the praise they gave.</p>
<p>Outside of praise, creating a space where children can explore their own identity, interests, and beliefs can be a wonderful way to help bring healing to the Golden Child. Encourage the children to make decisions based on their values rather than on the influence of the parents. For our client family, this meant looking carefully over the extracurricular activities for the teen. Some serious cuts were made in her schedule and she was able to lean more fully into her interests and activities, not just what her parents thought would get her into the best college.</p>
<ol>
<li>Therapy</li>
</ol>
<p>Surprise, surprise that the therapist is recommending therapy as a remedy for this dynamic. I hear you. Let me explain. Therapy for both the parents <em>and</em> the children can be a wonderful way to create a safe space for everyone to examine what was going on for this dynamic to be present. Whether it’s individual or family therapy, it can bring in an empathetic third-party who is rooting for all of you, willing to get in the trenches with you to explore this and bring healing. It’s not easy work, but you don’t have to do it alone. Our client family did excellent work both individually and as a family. We saw much of the anxiety our teen client was experiencing melt away as the pressure was lifted.</p>
<h2><em>The Golden Child</em></h2>
<p>Healing is very possible. You are so deserving of it. Healing often begins when you realize your worth was never meant to be earned. You might start to wonder who you actually are outside of who you were expected to be.</p>
<ol>
<li>Gather Your Tribe</li>
</ol>
<p>It is not all on the Golden Child to heal. Healing is done in community and in practice. Through self-reflection, open-communication, and emotional support, healing is available. And, yes, therapy is incredibly helpful for those who are on this healing journey. Having a therapist on your side can help facilitate this growth and healing.</p>
<ol>
<li>Boundaries</li>
</ol>
<p>Just as the parents need boundaries when raising their children, it is important for Golden Children to establish boundaries when healing. The Golden Child is encouraged to set boundaries based on their own values and beliefs, to recognize their own needs and limitations. Our teen client was able to express the activities she liked and did not like. At first it was super scary for her since she’d never given her own opinion to her parents. She was able to learn to speak up and respectfully state what she enjoyed and what was too much in her schedule.</p>
<ol>
<li>Reclaim Independence</li>
</ol>
<p>In healing, adult Golden Children are encouraged to explore their own interests, apart from the expectations put on them as children. Relocation can potentially be an option, if needing physical space away from their family. The healing Golden Child is encouraged to find themselves, through play, through choice, through vulnerability.</p>
<h1>Conclusion</h1>
<p>The easy one. The pleasure to have in class. The hero. The saint. The Golden Child.</p>
<p>So much was expected of you–and even more was taken from you. Oftentimes parents don’t mean this with malice, but it doesn’t make Golden Child syndrome any easier. Healing is possible. I know it feels like you have to do it perfectly, that you have to do it right. It takes learning and practice to let go of those standards set for you so long ago. You don’t have to do it alone. Healing is messy, but it is worth it. You are worth it.</p>
<p>If any of this is resonating with you and you’re ready to finally rest and heal, we’d love to help you. Reach out today for a free, 15-minute consultation with one of <a href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/meet-our-team-trauma-therapists/">our amazing therapists or coaches</a>.</p>
<p style="text-align: center"><a href="https://link.therasaas.com/widget/form/KRmBDIvQdhtfjcugsoRg" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img loading="lazy" class="alignnone wp-image-7725 size-medium" src="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/12/Consultation-schedule-300x94.png" alt="Wake Forest Flower Mound Anxiety Trauma Therapy" width="300" height="94" /></a></p>
<h4>References</h4>
<p>[1] Bay Area CBT Center (2024). Exploring the golden child syndrome: Navigating the complexities with trauma therapy. <em>Bay Area CBT Center. </em><a href="https://bayareacbtcenter.com/golden-child/">https://bayareacbtcenter.com/golden-child/</a></p>
<p>[2] DeWitt, H. (2024). Golden child syndrome: How does it develop, and what effect does it have? <em>Thriveworks. </em>Clinically reviewed by Christine Ridley, LCSW. <a href="https://thriveworks.com/help-with/children-teens-adolescents/golden-child-syndrome/">https://thriveworks.com/help-with/children-teens-adolescents/golden-child-syndrome/</a></p>
<p>[3] Embark Behavioral Health (2025). Dysfunctional family roles: Identifying and addressing them.<em> Embark Behavioral Health.</em> <a href="https://www.embarkbh.com/treatment/therapies/family-therapy/dysfunctional-family-roles/">https://www.embarkbh.com/treatment/therapies/family-therapy/dysfunctional-family-roles/</a></p>
<p>[4] Martino, M. (2025). Understanding golden child syndrome: Symptoms, impacts, and strategies for healing. <em>Handspring. </em>Medically reviewed by Amy Kranzler, PhD. <a href="https://www.handspringhealth.com/post/understanding-golden-child-syndrome">https://www.handspringhealth.com/post/understanding-golden-child-syndrome</a></p>
<p>[5] Wright, A. (2026). The golden child: The burden of being the ‘easy’ one. <em>Annie Wright. </em><a href="https://anniewright.com/golden-child-high-achieving-women/">https://anniewright.com/golden-child-high-achieving-women/</a></p>
<p>&nbsp;</p>
<p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/golden-child-syndrome/">Golden Child Syndrome &#8211; What it is and how to heal</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com">Tabitha Westbrook</a>.</p>
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		<title>Where Did the Day Go? How to Stop Sleepwalking and Living on Autopilot</title>
		<link>https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/life-on-autopilot/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=life-on-autopilot</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Tabitha Westbrook]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Fri, 13 Mar 2026 06:00:51 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Resources]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Trauma]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[anxiety relief]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Christian living]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Christian mindfulness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[DBT skills]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[faith and mental health]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[how to be more present]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[living on autopilot]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mental wellness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mindful connection]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mindfulness for Christians]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[overcoming distraction]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[present moment awareness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stress management]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[taking every thought captive]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Journey and The Process]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/?p=7854</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Living on Autopilot Have you ever driven somewhere familiar — your office, the grocery store, your church — and arrived with absolutely no memory of the trip? One minute you were pulling out of the driveway, and the next you were already parked. Your hands turned the wheel. Your foot hit the brake. You signaled, [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/life-on-autopilot/">Where Did the Day Go? How to Stop Sleepwalking and Living on Autopilot</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com">Tabitha Westbrook</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h2><i>Living on Autopilot</i></h2>
<p>Have you ever driven somewhere familiar — your office, the grocery store, your church — and arrived with absolutely no memory of the trip? One minute you were pulling out of the driveway, and the next you were already parked. Your hands turned the wheel. Your foot hit the brake. You signaled, you navigated, you arrived. But you? You were somewhere else entirely. Living on autopilot, I managed to accidentally drive myself to Virginia like that once. Imagine my shock when I read the sign, “Welcome to Virginia!” I was very confused why I was being welcomed to Virginia when that was not the state I was supposed to be in!</p>
<p>This feeling isn’t just a quirky story you tell at dinner. It’s a window into something much bigger that most of us never stop to examine: the reality of living on autopilot.</p>
<h2>The 5% Problem</h2>
<p>Research tells us that we are only truly present — genuinely aware, awake, and in the moment — about 5% of the time. <em>Five percent.</em> That means the other 95% of our lives, we are living on autopilot. We are going through the motions. Reacting instead of responding. Moving through our days without ever really being <em>in</em> them.</p>
<p>That 95% has a cost, and it’s higher than most of us realize.</p>
<h2>What Autopilot Actually Costs You</h2>
<p>When we’re on autopilot, we don’t just miss the drive to work. We miss the conversation at the dinner table. We half-listen to our kids while scrolling our phones. We sit in the same room as the person we love and somehow manage to be completely alone. We agree to things we don’t remember being asked. We make decisions from a place of habit, not intention. And then we wonder why life feels like it’s passing us by.</p>
<p>Many parents say the days are long and the years are short. There is something deeply true in that. The sleepless nights feel endless, the toddler years feel like they will stretch on forever — and then somehow you look up and the baby who couldn’t walk is borrowing the car keys. And if we weren’t present for it, no Instagram memory or random memory notification will give it back to us.</p>
<p>Autopilot doesn’t just cost us time. It costs us connection — to the people we love, to our own inner experience, and to God. When we’re not paying attention, we miss the still, small voice and our innate wisdom. We miss the evidence of His presence all around us. We miss the prompting of the Holy Spirit because we’re too busy reacting to the noise in our own heads to notice the gentle whisper underneath it.</p>
<h2>Why We Live This Way</h2>
<p>To be fair, autopilot isn’t all bad. Our brains are remarkably efficient machines, and running certain things — like driving a familiar route or brushing our teeth — on automatic frees up cognitive energy for other things. The problem isn’t autopilot itself. The problem is when it takes over everything. Sometimes we call this <em>dissociation</em>.</p>
<p>We live in a culture that worships distraction. Jump cuts. Notifications. Multitasking celebrated as a virtue. We are trained from every direction to split our attention into smaller and smaller fragments until there’s almost nothing left to give to any single moment. And the more we practice dividing our attention, the worse we become at focusing it.</p>
<p>The result is a generation of people who are living on autopilot — increasingly anxious, increasingly distracted, and increasingly disconnected from their own lives — without being entirely sure why. Loneliness is slowly killing people, even when they’re around others physically.</p>
<h2>Presence Is a Skill — and You Can Learn It</h2>
<p>Here’s a super important fact: being present is not a personality trait you either have or don’t. It’s not some mystical state only accessible to monks or people who never have busy schedules. It’s a skill. A learnable, practiceable, genuinely life-changing skill.</p>
<p>The practice of mindful connection — being intentionally aware of what is happening in you and around you, right now, in this moment — has been studied extensively. Research shows that practicing this kind of present-moment awareness for as little as 10 minutes a day over the course of 8 weeks literally changes the structure of your brain. It reduces anxiety and depression. It improves focus. It helps you regulate your emotions. It makes you better at relationships.</p>
<p>And perhaps, most importantly for those of us who are people of faith: it makes us better at hearing God.</p>
<h2>A Simple Place to Start</h2>
<p>You don’t have to overhaul your entire life to begin living more awake. Start with something small.</p>
<p>Right now, if it feels safe to you, wherever you are, take a slow breath in. Take your time with it. Notice your chest rising. Notice the air moving through your nose or mouth. Notice the feeling of your feet on the floor, your back against whatever you’re sitting on. What sounds can you hear? What can you smell?</p>
<p>You just practiced mindful connection. It took about 30 seconds. And with regular practice, that small, intentional act of noticing becomes a way of life rather than an occasional blip in an otherwise unconscious day.</p>
<p>The goal isn’t perfection. It’s not about achieving some perfectly zen state where your mind never wanders or your to-do list never calls to you. The goal is connection — mindful connection, not mindful perfection. When your mind wanders (and it will), you simply notice, and you gently bring it back. That moment of noticing and returning? That <em>is</em> the practice. It counts.</p>
<h2>What the Bible Says About This</h2>
<p>This isn’t a new idea. Jesus addressed it directly. In Matthew 6:34, He said, “Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” The Psalms talk about meditating on God’s Word and His character.</p>
<p>In other words: be <em>here</em>. Today is enough. The present moment is where you have power, where you can act, where you can love, and where you can hear from the God who is already here with you.</p>
<p>The phrase “taking every thought captive” from 2 Corinthians 10:5 isn’t just a catchy Christian saying. It’s a description of an active, intentional practice of directing your mind rather than letting your mind direct you. The original Greek word for “set your mind” describes exactly that — an intentional, active process. Presence isn’t passive. It’s chosen. (And if you’ve ever wondered the <em>how</em> of taking every thought captive… this is it.)</p>
<h2>You Don’t Have to Keep Sleepwalking</h2>
<p>If you’ve been reading this and quietly recognizing yourself — the missed moments, the distracted conversations, the sense that life is happening just slightly out of reach — I want you to know something: that awareness is the beginning. You can’t change what you don’t notice. <em>The fact that you’re noticing is already a step.</em></p>
<p>The abundant life that God promises isn’t somewhere in the future, waiting for you to arrive. It’s available right now, in the present moment you’re already standing in. You just have to learn how to show up for it. <em>(I want to caveat that it doesn’t mean it will be easy or pain free – but we can handle whatever comes far better when we are truly present.)</em></p>
<p>That’s exactly what we work on together in our online Taking Every Thought Captive course. If you’re ready to stop living on autopilot and start showing up for your own life, I’d love for you to join me.</p>
<h4 style="text-align: center"><strong>Ready to start? Click the link below</strong><strong> to learn more about the Taking Every Thought Captive course series &amp; register. Use the code RESET24 for 80% off.</strong></h4>
<p><a href="https://www.tabithawestbrook.com/online-courses" target="_blank" rel="noopener"><img loading="lazy" class="aligncenter wp-image-7856 size-medium" src="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/wp-content/uploads/2026/03/Get-started-300x94.png" alt="Get Started" width="300" height="94" /></a></p>
<h4 style="text-align: center">And if you need personalized coaching with one of <a href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/meet-our-team-trauma-therapists/">our amazing team members</a>, click below. We can walk you through using the skills in your day-to-day life so you can learn to be present and not live on autopilot.</h4>
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<p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/life-on-autopilot/">Where Did the Day Go? How to Stop Sleepwalking and Living on Autopilot</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com">Tabitha Westbrook</a>.</p>
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		<post-id xmlns="com-wordpress:feed-additions:1">7854</post-id>	</item>
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		<title>The Gift of Self-Compassion: How 10 Minutes a Day Can Transform Your Well-Being</title>
		<link>https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/the-gift-of-self-compassion-how-10-minutes-a-day-can-transform-your-well-being/?utm_source=rss&#038;utm_medium=rss&#038;utm_campaign=the-gift-of-self-compassion-how-10-minutes-a-day-can-transform-your-well-being</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[Tabitha Westbrook]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 12 Feb 2025 01:25:26 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Uncategorized]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[emotional healing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mental wellness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[mindfulness]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[personal growth]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-care]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-compassion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[self-love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[stress management]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[therapy tips]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[trauma recovery]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/?p=7239</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[<p>Giving Yourself the Gift of Self-Compassion In our busy lives, it&#8217;s easy to overlook the importance of taking time for ourselves. But self-compassion—offering ourselves the same kindness and understanding we would give a close friend—can have a powerful impact on our mental and emotional well-being. You can practice self-compassion in just 10 minutes each day. [&#8230;]</p>
<p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/the-gift-of-self-compassion-how-10-minutes-a-day-can-transform-your-well-being/">The Gift of Self-Compassion: How 10 Minutes a Day Can Transform Your Well-Being</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com">Tabitha Westbrook</a>.</p>
]]></description>
										<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h3 data-start="1045" data-end="1098"><strong data-start="1049" data-end="1096">Giving Yourself the Gift of Self-Compassion</strong></h3>
<p data-start="1100" data-end="1418">In our busy lives, it&#8217;s easy to overlook the importance of taking time for ourselves. But self-compassion—offering ourselves the same kindness and understanding we would give a close friend—can have a powerful impact on our mental and emotional well-being. You can practice self-compassion in just 10 minutes each day.</p>
<h3 data-start="1420" data-end="1445"><strong data-start="1424" data-end="1443">Why 10 Minutes?</strong></h3>
<p data-start="1447" data-end="1929">You might be thinking, “How could 10 minutes possibly make a difference?” But the truth is, small, consistent moments of self-care can add up to meaningful change. Just 10 minutes a day is enough to center yourself, reduce stress, and reconnect with peace. The key is to make it a daily habit, even if it feels like a small step. Prioritizing yourself, even briefly, can shift your mindset and help you feel more grounded, compassionate, and ready to face the world with more grace.</p>
<h3 data-start="1931" data-end="1994"><strong data-start="1935" data-end="1992">Simple Ways to Practice Self-Compassion in 10 Minutes</strong></h3>
<p data-start="1996" data-end="2073">Here are a few ideas for how you can use your 10 minutes to nurture yourself:</p>
<h4 data-start="2075" data-end="2110"><strong data-start="2080" data-end="2108">1. Journal Your Thoughts</strong></h4>
<p data-start="2111" data-end="2346">Take a few minutes to write down your thoughts, feelings, or anything you’re grateful for. You can also write affirmations or kind words to yourself. Reflecting on your strengths can boost your confidence and encourage self-compassion.</p>
<h4 data-start="2348" data-end="2385"><strong data-start="2353" data-end="2383">2. Practice Deep Breathing</strong></h4>
<p data-start="2386" data-end="2641">A few minutes of deep, intentional breathing can work wonders. Sit comfortably and take slow, deep breaths. Focus on the present moment, letting go of any tension. As you breathe, remind yourself that it&#8217;s okay to rest and that you are deserving of peace.</p>
<h4 data-start="2643" data-end="2675"><strong data-start="2648" data-end="2673">3. Mindful Reflection</strong></h4>
<p data-start="2676" data-end="2908">Sit in a quiet space and reflect on your day. Acknowledge the challenges you faced and offer yourself compassion for how you responded. Recognizing that you&#8217;re doing the best you can is a simple yet powerful form of self-compassion.</p>
<h3 data-start="2910" data-end="2937"><strong data-start="2914" data-end="2935">Every Step Counts</strong></h3>
<p data-start="2939" data-end="3203">The goal isn’t to be perfect or accomplish a huge task in those 10 minutes. The goal is to show up for yourself—acknowledge your emotions, honor your experiences, and be gentle with yourself, especially on tough days. Small steps matter, and they add up over time.</p>
<h3 data-start="3205" data-end="3232"><strong data-start="3209" data-end="3230">You Are Not Alone</strong></h3>
<p data-start="3234" data-end="3519">It’s important to remember that you don’t have to go on this journey alone. Whether through a supportive friend, a community, or a therapist, there are many ways to find connection and support as you practice self-compassion. You deserve the same love and care that you give to others.</p>
<p data-start="3521" data-end="3772">So this month, set aside 10 minutes each day for yourself. Whether it&#8217;s journaling, breathing deeply, or just sitting in quiet reflection, make space to care for your mind and heart. Every step—no matter how small—is an important part of your journey.</p>
<h5 data-start="3521" data-end="3772">If you&#8217;re noticing you could use some support, we&#8217;d love to help. <a href="https://link.therasaas.com/widget/form/KRmBDIvQdhtfjcugsoRg">Reach out today to schedule your free, 15-minute consultation</a> and learn how to give yourself self-compassion!</h5>
<p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com/the-gift-of-self-compassion-how-10-minutes-a-day-can-transform-your-well-being/">The Gift of Self-Compassion: How 10 Minutes a Day Can Transform Your Well-Being</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://thejourneyandtheprocess.com">Tabitha Westbrook</a>.</p>
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