You can feel it before you can even think it. If you’re in – for example – Eastern Tennessee or Western North Carolina you might notice your body begin to tighten around Labor Day. That tension may increase as September 27th draws closer. And this is just one trauma in one region! We know there have been wildfires, earthquakes, wars, and all kinds of things in our lifetimes. And none of that even includes personal traumas that never make the news. 

For many trauma survivors, certain times of year feel heavier than others. It’s incredibly common to notice an increase in anxiety, irritability, nightmares, or even physical pain without immediately realizing why. Later, it clicks: This is the time of year when *it* happened.

These are called trauma anniversaries and I like to shorten it to “trauma-versaires.”

We know our bodies remember traumatic events, often before our brains catch up. They are very real and they’re very much part of our healing journey. We know these days that the nervous system stores the imprint of traumatic events – it gets written into our cells – and it can bring some activation when the anniversary date (or season) returns.

While the impact of a trauma-versary isn’t fun in the moment, there is hope. You don’t have to be taken under by them. With awareness and intentional coping strategies, trauma anniversaries are an opportunity for gentleness, self-compassion, and even growth. And if you listen to the Hey Tabi, you know that self-compassion alone is a big key to healing. 

Why Trauma Anniversaries Feel So Intense

Trauma anniversaries can feel overwhelming because the body keeps track of patterns, even when our minds try to move forward. Certain cues, like the season, weather, smells, or calendar date, can unconsciously trigger a stress response.

Common reactions to trauma anniversaries include:

• Heightened anxiety or panic
• Depression or sadness that seems to come out of nowhere
• Irritability or anger
• Flashbacks, intrusive memories, or nightmares
• Avoidance of certain places or people
• Physical symptoms like headaches, fatigue, or stomach issues
• Just feeling “off”

If you’ve experienced any of these, you are not alone. These responses don’t mean you’re failing in your healing. What they really mean is that your nervous system is doing what it learned to do to keep you safe. It’s like an alarm going off to say, “Hey! Just be aware!”

How to Cope with Trauma Anniversaries

Here are some strategies to keep trauma-versaries from overwhelming you:

1. Name What’s Happening

Awareness is powerful. Simply saying, “This is an trauma-versary reaction and it’s normal” can reduce shame and help you feel less “crazy.” It’s not random. You aren’t broken. It’s your body and soul remembering. Another thing naming does – help us reduce the emotional intensity. We often say in therapy “name it to tame it.” When we accurately name something we reduce it’s intensity by a significant percentage!

2. Give Yourself Permission to Feel

Our feelings are truly a good thing. We sometimes get the message in society feelings aren’t welcome, but they are so valuable and are part of how we’re created. You don’t need to power through as if nothing is wrong. Let yourself grieve, rest, or step back from normal expectations. It’s completely okay to adjust your rhythm to have space for feeling. Your healing matters more than pushing through. And going back to self-compassion, allowing this for yourself is healing. Also, feelings will be felt – at some point. You can suppress and shove them into your containment unit, but much like Ghostbusters, that containment unit will break and then everyone gets slimed. 

3. Use Soothing Grounding Practices

To help manage and regulate the big feels we just talked about from trauma-versaries you can use grounding techniques:

• Deep, slow breathing (if breathing is helpful for you – you can read this post to hear more about when breathing isn’t helpful)
• Using your five senses – we have a worksheet here you can download to walk you through 5-4-3-2-1.
• Gentle movement like yoga, stretching, or walking outside (and if you’re in Wake Forest, NC or nearby you can join our Embodied Calm class that starts September 8, 2025 to help with this)

4. Plan Gentle Structure

If you know a certain day or week will be difficult, plan ahead:

• Reduce extra obligations, if possible. If you can’t reduce the obligations, consider scheduling in more space and giving yourself more time. 
• Build in comforting activities (rest, journaling, being with safe people, practicing creativity)
• Create rituals of remembrance, like lighting a candle, writing a letter, or practicing prayer/meditation
• Get easy meal plans together – this  might not be the time to cook all the things from scratch. Doing some things that are grab & go, or super easy to prepare can be a gift during more challenging moments.

5. Reach Out for Support

Isolation often makes trauma anniversaries worse. Talk with a trusted friend, support group, or therapist/counselors. Sometimes just saying out loud, “This time of year is hard for me” can reduce the weight you’re carrying. It can be hard to ask for this – it sometimes feels like you’ll be the dreaded “b” word – a burden. You are not a burden for the safe people that love you. If you struggle with self-compassion and asking for help, our all online Try Softer group could be a real game changer for you. You can learn more and register here. 

Healing is Possible

Trauma anniversaries may always carry some weight, but over time, they don’t have to knock you down in the same way. With self-compassion, support, and healing practices, trauma-versaries can transform into times of reflection, remembrance, resilience, and growth instead of overwhelm.

If you’re struggling with trauma anniversaries, you don’t have to carry it alone. At The Journey and The Process, our therapists specialize in helping survivors of complex trauma gently process these difficult times and reclaim peace in both body, mind, and soul. Reach out for your free 15-minute consultation and start your reclamation journey.

✨ You are not broken. You are healing. ✨
And even when trauma-versaries feel heavy, you are allowed to take up space, care for yourself, and lean into support.

The post Unhappy Anniversary: How to Cope with Trauma-versaries (Trauma Anniversaries) appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.