Many of us were raised with the notion that kids are meant “to be seen and not heard,” meaning “don’t speak until you are spoken to.” While this idea may have only meant to keep the volume down at the Thanksgiving table, continued, systemic neglect can have negative ramifications on a child’s psyche. A continued pattern of this and a child can feel emotional neglect. These children were raised to believe that not only do their ideas not matter, but neither do their feelings or needs.
This is different than having strict parents in that the child is systemically ignored and basic needs for connection are not met. Though the words may never have been said, the actions, or lack of, announced loud and clear: You don’t matter.
These children grow up to become adults who still believe they don’t matter, and that they shouldn’t burden others with their needs or feelings. Our feelings and needs are important and this cycle of worthlessness can be broken.
Here are 3 ways you can heal from childhood emotional neglect:
- Embrace Your Needs and Emotions
You most likely grew up believing your own needs and emotions were the enemy. You may have even been made to feel ashamed because of them.
In order to heal you must embrace your needs and emotions and invite them to play an active role in your life. You can do this by listening to yourself and honoring the way you feel. When understood and managed, emotions can propel us and help facilitate positive change. This is not the same thing as selfishness. This means being aware of what is happening inside of you.
- Invite People into Your Life
Growing up, you might have felt like adults were the enemy. After all, it was the adults in your life that made you feel worthless. As an adult, you may have a natural instinct to keep people at a safe distance, to “protect” yourself. But, in order to heal, you have to stop pushing people away and, instead, invite them into your life. When we form relationships with genuine, caring, and honest people, we feel good about ourselves while adding value to our lives.
- Get to Know Who You Really Are
People who have experienced childhood neglect don’t really know themselves. That’s because the people in their lives who should know them the best, their family, never really took the time to get to know them.
But now is the time for you to fully recognize the truth, you are absolutely worth knowing and it is your responsibility to get to know yourself. Knowing who you are, what you like, want, need, love, value, desire in this life will give you a firm foundation from which to propel yourself into an awesome future.
Recovering from any kind of emotional struggle is not easy. It is a personal journey that will contain many highs and lows. But taking the journey, one step at a time, will lead you to a wonderful life, one that you deserve.
If you or a loved one is struggling with understanding worth and value and would like to explore treatment options, I would be happy to see how I may be able to help. Call 919-891-0525 today for a free, 15-minute consultation. Appointments may be scheduled for my Wake Forest counseling office or online.