When I was a kid I had opinions. I know this is utterly shocking for those who actually know. Shocking. And I remember saying to another kid who wanted me to do something I did not want to do on the playground, “You’re not the boss of me!”

Our thoughts can for sure try to be the boss of us. And then… they try to hijack an entire day.

Ugh.

You wake up feeling okay-ish. And then a thought arrives before your feet even hit the floor. It might be about something you said yesterday, something you’re afraid of tomorrow, something that hasn’t happened yet and may never happen at all (see our last blog on that one). And before you’ve finished your first cup of coffee, you’re deep in a spiral. You’re anxious and discouraged. You’re convinced things are true knowing that, if someone said them out loud to you, you’d push back on immediately.

The problem isn’t that you have negative thoughts. Every person alive has negative thoughts. The problem really is what happens next — whether those thoughts get to drive, or whether you do. Interrupting negative thoughts and negative thought cycles is one of the most transformative skills I teach, and it is far more learnable than most people believe.

Your Mind on Autopilot

You might remember, as we talked about in a previous blog, research tells us that we are only truly present and aware about 5% of the time. The other 95%? We are living on autopilot. When we’re on autopilot, our thoughts run completely unchecked, like a conveyer belt just trucking along wreaking havoc in the background.

Here’s what that looks like in practice: a thought appears, and without any pause or examination, it triggers an emotion (or the emotion triggers the thought as we try to make meaning of it). That emotion triggers another thought. That thought triggers another emotion. And the spiral accelerates until you’re emotionally exhausted by something that began as a single, passing thought.

Living on autopilot means you never get the chance to ask the most important question: Is this thought actually true?

Darn it.

Here’s the thing, and I say this gently but directly to my clients all the time: your thoughts are not always facts. They feel like facts. They can feel overwhelmingly, undeniably true. But a thought is an experience, not a verdict. Interrupting negative thoughts starts with understanding that distinction.

What “Taking Every Thought Captive” Actually Means

The phrase from 2 Corinthians 10:5 — “taking every thought captive” — is one of the most practically powerful instructions in all of Scripture. But I think we often misunderstand what it’s actually asking us to do. I know I’ve sat in more than a few sermons and been like, “But how do I do it??? I need more than a concept!”

It is not a call to suppress your thoughts or pretend they aren’t there. It’s for sure not about spiritual white-knuckling or forcing yourself to “think positive.” It is an invitation to notice your thoughts, examine them, and choose what to do with them rather than being dragged along by them.

The original Greek word used for “set your mind” in Scripture describes an intentional, active process. Interrupting negative thoughts is not passive. It is a chosen, practiced skill. And the good news is that with regular practice, it becomes more natural.

Romans 12:2 pairs beautifully with this. The renewing of your mind is described as a transformation. Not a one-time event, but an ongoing process of change. That is exactly what we’re talking about here.

The 0-to-60 Problem

One of the things I describe often in my work is the “0 to 60” experience. This is the way our minds can go from a calm, neutral state to full emotional overwhelm in what feels like a nanosecond. One thought, and suddenly you’re flooded. It’s like a Porsche, except way less fun.

This happens most easily when we’re not practicing the skill of interrupting negative thoughts. And for many of us, especially those who have dealt with anxiety, depression, or trauma, the path of least resistance runs directly downhill into the spiral.

As I’ve heard my friend Matt Wenger, Clinical Executive Director of Begin Again Institute, say, “Water will run where the ditch is dug.”

The more we travel a path, the more worn it becomes – that’s how we dig the ditch. Neuroscience calls this the strengthening of neural pathways; the routes our brains most frequently travel become the routes they default to. If your brain has been spiraling for years, it has become very good at spiraling.

All that said, those pathways can be changed. We can dig a new ditch and the water will, in fact, move. And the tool for building them is exactly what we’re talking about here, the intentional, repeated practice of noticing thoughts and choosing how to respond to them, rather than reacting automatically. And then, once we notice, we can make a different choice.

How Interrupting Negative Thoughts Actually Works

So what does interrupting negative thoughts look like in practice? It begins with one deceptively simple skill: noticing. I know, you’re getting sick of hearing the noticing. But we really do have to start there and then really practice it.

We aren’t analyzing or fixing. – yet. And we also don’t judge ourselves for having the thought in the first place. We observe the thought as if we are watching it pass by on a conveyor belt — Oh, there’s that thought again. Or: I’m noticing a worried thought right now. That small act of observation creates a gap between the thought and your reaction. And in that gap is where your power lives.

Now, what do we do with said thought? Glad you asked. From that place of noticing, you can begin to ask: Is this thought accurate? Is it based on facts, or is it based on fear? Is it helping me move toward my goals, or is it pulling me away from them? You don’t have to fight the thought or argue with it. You just don’t have to automatically believe it either.

Imagine if we all walked around with a PowerPoint presentation above our heads showing every thought we had. Nobody would leave the house. We all have all kinds of thoughts — strange ones, dark ones, anxious ones, silly ones. Having a thought doesn’t make it true.

The Role of the Present Moment

Most negative thought spirals have one thing in common: they are almost never about right now. They are about the past — what went wrong, what was said, what you should have done differently. Or they are about the future — what might happen, what could go wrong, what you’re afraid of.

The present moment is almost always safer than either of those places and it’s also the only place you have power. The past is complete and the future has not yet come, so right now is where you have agency. Right now, in this moment, you are okay. You are breathing. You are here. Interrupting negative thoughts often means gently redirecting your mind back to what is actually true right now, rather than what your brain is projecting onto the past or the future.

This is a Skill. You Can Learn It.

Many folks believe that interrupting negative thoughts is not something they are capable of.

That’s not true. The brain is remarkably changeable — woot for neuroplasticity! As we’ve mentioned, research shows that practicing mindful awareness for as little as 10 minutes a day over 8 weeks literally changes the structure of the brain. Noticing is part of mindfulness. Practicing it increases your capacity to notice, pause, and choose.

So, let’s be practical here. You notice your thoughts. You fact check them. Cool. And then you get to decide whether it’s going to be the boss of you. I’ve literally said out loud to my thoughts, “This isn’t factual and you are not the boss of me.” Yes, sometimes you have to do this over and over and over as you’re learning the process. Remember, we have to tread a lot of ground to wear that new ditch. And if you’re struggling with whether or not a thought is true, this is a space to have a great therapist or coach help out. You also can ask yourself something like this, “Can I allow 1% of me to consider this might not be accurate?” Or you can try, “What would I do if I didn’t believe this?” Both of those help create interruption in that negative spiral.

Over time and with practice, you build that new, neural pathway. You dig a new ditch and the water can flow in a new direction more easily.

Your mind is not the boss of you.

If you’re reading and thinking, “I really need some help with this,” We’ve got your back. Connect with one of our amazing therapists or coaches and start building your new ditch and watch that water flow in new places! Reach out today for your free, 15-minute consultation call.

Ready to start interrupting negative thoughts and take back control of your mind? Click below to learn more about the Taking Every Thought Captive course series. Use code RESET24 for 80% off.

The post Interrupting Negative Thoughts: Your Mind Is Not the Boss of You appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

If you’ve ever been told to “just stop worrying” or to “choose joy,” you already know how unhelpful that advice is. Anxiety and depression are not character flaws. Nor are they signs that your faith is weak. They are not things you can simply decide your way out of – if that were the case millions of people would do exactly that! And if you’ve been carrying either — or both — I want to start by saying this: I see how exhausting that is. You are not alone.

I also want to share something that I have seen help create some shift in my years of working as a licensed counselor — something that doesn’t require you to pretend everything is fine, doesn’t ask you to suppress what you’re feeling, and isn’t about masking your symptoms with a smile and a scripture verse. If you’ve been around at all, you know we aren’t “take two verses and call us in the morning.”

There is a cycle happening in your mind that may be quietly making your anxiety and depression worse. And once you understand it, you can begin to interrupt it.

First, Let’s Talk About What You’re Actually Carrying

Anxiety and depression are exhausting in a way that is genuinely hard to describe to someone who hasn’t experienced them. It’s not just feeling sad or feeling worried. It’s the weight of it. The relentlessness. The way it colors everything — your mornings, your relationships, your ability to enjoy things that used to bring you life.

Anxiety can feel like your brain is running a threat-detection program on a continuous loop, even when there’s no actual threat in front of you. Depression can feel like being trapped behind glass or under water — you can see your life happening, but you can’t quite reach it or feel it the way you used to. You feel like you’re drowning.

And for many Christians, there’s an added layer of confusion or shame: Shouldn’t my faith be enough? If I really trusted God, would I still feel this way? That shame spiral can make everything harder. I want to be so clear: anxiety and depression are not a faith problem. They are a whole-person experience — mind, body, and spirit — and they deserve to be addressed as such.

The Thought-Emotion Cycle (And Why It Matters)

Here’s something that most people don’t realize: your thoughts and your emotions are in a constant conversation with each other. And that conversation can either calm the storm — or feed it.

It works like this: a thought appears. Maybe it’s “Something is wrong with me,” or “This is never going to get better,” or even something as simple as noticing that a friend didn’t text back and thinking “They must be upset with me.” (As an aside, so many people assume the worst when someone reacts or doesn’t react in a way we expect, but that deserves its own blog.) That thought and the meaning we give it triggers an emotion (or a whole bunch of emotions) like fear, sadness, or shame. And those emotions? They trigger more thoughts. Which trigger more emotions. Which trigger more thoughts.

Before you know it, you’ve gone from a single unanswered text to a full spiral about your worth, your relationships, and your future — in under two minutes. Sound familiar? I know it does to me. I once sent my own therapist a meme that said, “I’m not spiraling, I’m just following a suspiciously curved path.”

This is the thought-emotion cycle. And when anxiety and depression are already present, this cycle can spin faster and go deeper than it does for someone who isn’t struggling. The thoughts feel more true. The emotions feel more permanent. And the cycle becomes harder to interrupt.

Here’s the important part: your thoughts and feelings are not always facts. I know that might be hard to hear when a thought feels absolutely, undeniably true. Additionally, feelings are not facts. They are experiences — real, valid, worth paying attention to — but they are not always an accurate picture of reality. I refer to them as data and we can be curious about it.

What Happens When We’re on Autopilot

Most of us are running this thought-emotion cycle almost entirely on autopilot, like we talked about in our last blog. We’re not choosing our thoughts deliberately. We’re not pausing to ask whether they’re accurate. We’re just reacting — thought to emotion to thought to emotion — and the anxiety and depression get to keep driving.

Research has actually shown that this kind of automatic, unexamined thinking — what we call living on autopilot — is one of the factors that allows anxiety and depression to deepen and intensify over time. When we don’t notice our thoughts, we can’t question them. When we can’t question them, we believe everything they tell us. And anxiety and depression tell us some very convincing, very unkind things.

The good news is that noticing — simply becoming aware of the cycle — is already the beginning of interrupting it.

What the Bible Has to Say About This

The instruction to “take every thought captive” from 2 Corinthians is not a command to suppress your thoughts or pretend they aren’t there. It’s an invitation to notice them — to become aware of what’s happening in your mind — and to bring those thoughts into alignment with truth.

Philippians 4:8 tells us to think about what is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, and commendable. That’s not a call to toxic positivity. It’s a call to intentional attention — to practice directing our minds rather than letting our minds direct us. There are studies that show that what we focus on profoundly impacts our mood.

And Philippians 4:6-7 — the “do not be anxious” passage — is paired with a promise: that when we bring our concerns to God, the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds. Guard your minds. That language is active. It implies that our minds need guarding — and that God partners with us in that work. In a world where the news is literally a dumpster fire all the time, it can be so easy to have our thoughts and emotions focused on darkness. We have to be intentional about turning our faces away from that.

Skills That Actually Help (Not Just Cope)

Here’s what I want you to hear most: there are practical, learnable skills that can genuinely reduce anxiety and depression — not just help you white-knuckle through them.

I’ve sat with clients who came in convinced that they would always feel the way they felt. That this was just who they were. That the best they could hope for was managing symptoms. And I have watched those same people — through consistent practice of specific, evidence-based skills — experience real, lasting change. Not perfection. Not the absence of hard days. But genuine freedom that they didn’t think was possible. And yes, we also had to process traumatic experiences, but between sessions using good skills promotes healing.

One of my clients told me that practicing these skills changed everything for her. Another came in stunned to report that her blood pressure had improved — her doctor was amazed. The mind and body are deeply connected, and when we learn to work with our thoughts rather than being dragged around by them, the effects ripple out into every area of life.

Research backs this up. Practicing mindful awareness — learning to notice your thoughts and emotions without being controlled by them — for as little as 10 minutes a day over 8 weeks has been shown to literally change the structure of the brain and reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. This isn’t a trendy wellness hack. It’s neuroscience. And it’s grace.

Where Do You Start?

The first skill — the one that everything else is built on — is simply learning to notice. Not to fix, not to analyze, not to judge. Just to observe what’s happening in your mind and body in the present moment.

When a thought arises, instead of immediately believing it or reacting to it (or judging it), you can learn to pause and simply notice: There’s that thought again. Or: I’m noticing that I feel anxious right now. That small act of observation creates just enough space between the thought and your reaction that the cycle begins to lose some of its power.

It sounds almost too simple. I understand that. But I have seen it work — in my practice, in my own life, and in the lives of people who were convinced nothing would help. The skill is simple. That doesn’t mean it’s easy. But it is learnable, and that matters. Here’s a pro tip – practice noticing your thoughts and emotions when you aren’t in a spiral. That will give you really good practice and build that muscle.

You Don’t Have to Stay Stuck

If anxiety and depression have been a long-term part of your story, I want to be honest with you: this work takes time and practice. These skills are not a quick fix, and I’m not going to promise you otherwise. But they are real. They work. And you deserve to have access to them.

The abundant life that Jesus talks about — life to the full — is not a life free of struggle. But it is a life where you are not a slave to your thoughts and emotions. It’s a life where the anxiety and depression don’t get to make all the decisions. Where depression and anxiety don’t get the final word on who you are and what’s possible for you.

That kind of freedom is available to you. Not because you’ll ever be perfect at this — none of us are — but because these are skills that grow with practice. And every single time you notice a thought, pause, and choose not to let it drive the spiral, you are doing something powerful.

You are taking your thoughts captive. And that is exactly where change begins.

Ready to learn the skills in more detail? Click the link below to learn more about the Taking Every Thought Captive course series and start building skills that create real, lasting change. Use the code RESET24 to get a big discount!

And if you need some one-on-one counseling support, reach out to our expert team at The Journey and The Process. It’s okay not to be okay, and you don’t have to stay there.

The post What if the Way You’re Thinking is Making Your Anxiety and Depression Worse? appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

Most people don’t often think about teen dating violence. Heck they may never think about it at all! Teen dating is often framed as awkward, dramatic, or something you’re supposed to just “get through.” Crushes, breakups, and big feelings are considered part of growing up. And while some emotional intensity is normal in adolescence, there’s an important distinction many teens (and adults) aren’t taught how to make:

Not all discomfort is just teen drama. Teens can get into destructive relationships and it’s vital to help teens know what healthy is and is not in relationships.

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month and this invites us to slow down and talk honestly about what unhealthy dating patterns can look like—especially the subtle ones that don’t leave visible bruises but still leave a mark on the soul (and as you know – all abuse is physical abuse unless you can take your brain out of your body and stick it in a jar).

The Quiet Questions Teens Often Ask

Most teens don’t ask, “Am I being abused?”

They ask things like:

• “Am I overreacting?”
• “Is this just how relationships are?”
• “Why do I feel anxious all the time?”
• “Why do I feel guilty when I try to set boundaries?”
• “I mean this is what it looks like in movies, porn, or novels I read…”

When a relationship doesn’t feel right, teens often assume the problem is them—that they’re too sensitive, too emotional, or too inexperienced to know better. And, let’s be honest, those who are coercive controllers use things like love bombing and gaslighting to make it easier to doubt your own experience.

That self-doubt is often where unhealthy dynamics quietly take root.

Red Flags That Often Get Missed

Unhealthy patterns in teen dating don’t usually start with obvious cruelty. They often begin disguised as care, attention, or intensity.

Here are some common red flags that are easy to overlook:

1. Jealousy That’s Framed as Love

• “I just worry about you.”
• “I don’t trust your friends.”
• “If you loved me, you wouldn’t need them.”

Jealousy isn’t proof of love, in fact it’s a big ‘ol red flag. It often turns into isolation and control.

2. Pressure Disguised as Affection

• Pressure to text constantly or share passwords
• Expecting immediate replies
• Getting upset when a teen needs space
• Pressure to engage in sexual activity

Healthy relationships allow room to breathe. Constant access isn’t the same as closeness. And pressure for any sexual activity is deeply concerning.

3. Guilt When Boundaries Are Set

• Sulking, withdrawing, or anger after a boundary
• Statements like “You’re hurting me” or “I guess I don’t matter”

Boundaries shouldn’t be punished. When they are, something important is being revealed. And true consent honors boundaries. Someone who really loves you honors your boundaries.

4. Control Over Choices

• Comments about clothing, friends, or activities
• Making decisions for the other person
• Framing control as “knowing what’s best”

Care supports autonomy. Control erodes it. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean your partner gets to decide all things. And if there is spiritual abuse or manipulation happening, that is even more concerning. “One day we’re gonna get married so you have to submit now” is not only total bunk, but also totally unbiblical.

5. Emotional Ups and Downs That Feel Extreme

• Walking on eggshells
• Feeling responsible for a partner’s emotions
• High highs followed by intense lows

These patterns can dysregulate a teen’s nervous system (and anyone else’s for that matter), even if no one ever raises a hand. Also threatening self-harm or suicide if someone does not get their way is incredibly concerning and a big indicator that the relationship is not healthy.

Why Teens Often Don’t Name This as Harm

Teen brains are still developing, especially the parts responsible for risk assessment and long-term thinking. Add in:

• First relationships
• Intense attachment
• Cultural messages that intensity equals love

…and it makes sense that many teens don’t recognize unhealthy patterns while they’re in the middle of them.

If a teen has already experienced trauma, instability, or neglect, their nervous system may confuse familiar stress with connection. This is especially true if toxic relationships are modeled at home.

Discomfort is Data

Feeling anxious, small, confused, or pressured in a relationship isn’t a sign of weakness or immaturity. It’s telling you important things.

It’s often the body’s way of saying:

“Something here isn’t safe for me.”

Learning to listen to that signal is a skill—one many adults were never taught, either.

How Adults Can Help Stop Teen Dating Violence Without Pushing Teens Away

If you’re a parent, caregiver, or trusted adult, your response matters more than your advice.

Helpful responses sound like:

• “I’m really glad you told me.”
• “That sounds confusing and heavy.”
• “You don’t have to figure this out alone.”

Unhelpful responses often include panic, lectures, or ultimatums—even when they come from love.

Safety grows in relationships where curiosity comes before control. It’s also really important to listen and invite the teen to consider what he/she is noticing in his/her body. What are their friends saying? Help them come to the conclusions about their relationship versus telling them what to do.

I will say, in some instances, there is a time to step in with more. If the teen is in danger or potential danger then responsible adults need to step in to protect. If you aren’t sure what steps to take, get help from a trained advocate or therapist.

A Gentle Invitation

Teen dating violence isn’t always super obvious. Often, it is more hidden and it can start slow and subtle. Knowing what is and is not healthy is important to learn.

Teaching teens to trust their internal cues—to notice when something doesn’t feel right—is one of the most powerful forms of prevention we have.

If you or your teen need support sorting through confusing relationship dynamics, trauma-informed counseling can help make sense of those signals with care and compassion. Our incredible team of trauma therapists and coaches are happy to walk with you. Reach out today for your free, 15-minute consultation. You don’t have to figure it out alone.

The post When it Doesn’t Feel Right: How to Recognize Teen Dating Violence appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

Now you may think this inner critic, while annoying, is relatively harmless. But this is simply not the case. This inner critical voice limits you and stops you from living the life you truly desire. It hinders your emotional well-being and, if left unchecked, can even lead to depression or anxiety.

Here are some ways you can silence that inner critic and stop beating yourself up.

1. Give it Attention

That’s right, in order to gain control over your inner critic you have to know that it exists. Most of our thinking is automatic. In other words, we don’t give our thoughts much thought. We barely notice a critical thought has passed. Give attention to your thoughts, all of them. This will help you recognize the critical voice.

Here are some emotional clues the critic has reared its ugly head: whenever you feel doubt, guilt, shame, and worthlessness. These are almost always signs of the critic at work.

2. Separate Yourself from Your Inner Critic

Your inner critic is like a parasite, feeding off you. You were not born with this parasite but acquired it along the way. Your inner critic hopes it can hide and blend in, and that you’ll think ITS thoughts are your own.

You have to separate yourself from this parasite. One way to do that is to give your critic a name. Have fun with this naming. You could call your inner critic anything from “Todd” to “Miss. Annoying Loudmouth.” It doesn’t matter.

What matters is that you learn to separate it from your authentic self.

3. Talk Back

In order to take the power away from your inner critic, you’ve got to give it a taste of its own medicine. As soon as you recognize your inner critic is speaking to you, tell it to shut up. Tell it that the jig is up, that you know it is a big, fat liar, and that you want it to go away. If you want to really make this voice recoil, tell it you are choosing to be kind to yourself from now on.

Self-compassion to an inner critic is like garlic to a vampire.

4. Create a New Inner Voice

If you want to defeat an enemy, you need to have a powerful ally on your side. It’s important at this juncture to create an even more powerful inner voice. One that is on your side and acts as your BFF.

To create this new voice, start noticing the good things about yourself. No matter what that nasty critic said about you, the truth is you have fantastic traits and abilities. Start focusing on those. Yes, it will be hard at first to let yourself see you in a positive light, but the more you do it, the easier it will get.

Life is short. To have the most fulfilling one possible, we have to stop wasting time on beating ourselves up. Take these 4 steps and learn to quiet that inner critic. Your best you is waiting to be celebrated.

Some people’s inner critic is stronger than others. Sometimes the greatest ally you can have in your corner is an impartial third party, a therapist who can see you for who you really are.

If you or a loved one could use some help defeating your inner critic and would like to explore therapy, get in touch with me. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

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Signs of Fear of Failure

While none of us like to fail at anything, how do you know if your fear is an actual phobia (called “atychiphobia”) and one that is likely limiting your life? Here are some signs to watch for:

A reluctance to try new things

Self-sabotage in the form of procrastination or failing to follow through with goals

Low self-esteem or self-confidence 

The thing to remember with failure is – it’s all a matter of perspective. We are the ones who ultimately decide how we want to think about it. We have two choices – we can either think of failure as:

Proof of inadequacy

or

An awesome learning experience

When we fail, we are given powerful lessons that help us to grow as people. In this way failing is like manure – some people see it as a nutrient-rich fertilizer while others see it as a pile of, well, you get the idea.

The bottom line is failing stops us only if we let it. Did you know Michael Jordan, widely considered the greatest basket player of all time, was cut from his high school basketball team because his coach didn’t think he had enough skills? Jordan could have let fear of future failure stop him from becoming a legend, but he didn’t.

You don’t have to let fear of failing stop you from leading the life you want to live. Here are some ways you can cope:

Separate Your Identity from Failure

Most of us blur the lines between a personal failure and our overall identify. Just because you haven’t tasted success yet doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Making failing personal can take a toll on your self-esteem and confidence.

Rely on Logic, Not Emotions

As I mentioned, you can learn an awful lot from failure, but in order to do so you have to look at the failure logically, even analytically, suspending emotions of regret, frustration and anger. Become a scientist and ask yourself questions: Why did you fail? Was the failure totally out of your control? What might have led to a different outcome?

Don’t Give Your Power to Other People

Fear of failure is often rooted in a need to seek approval from others. We fear if we fail, we will be harshly judged by others and lose their respect. But when we care more about what other people think of us, we give our power away. What other people think about you is not necessarily the truth about you.

Sometimes when our fear of failure is so great, it helps to talk to someone who can help you gain a new perspective on it. Seeking guidance from a therapist may be just what you need to tackle your fear of failure and live the life you were meant to live.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact me today. I would be happy to speak with you about how I may be able to help.

The post Afraid of Failure? Here’s Advice on Coping with Failure appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.