Make a To-Do List
Ruminating on worries can cause lots of stress. Clear your mind by making a to-do list. Put down everything that needs to be done into your phone or onto a sheet of paper, and as you write them down, visualize yourself removing this task from your mind onto the list. If you can delegate some parenting to a partner that may be a great help. If not, also be mindful of what you can and cannot do and learn to be okay with the cannot do list.

Watch Your Language
Many times parents believe things will get better when their children move on to the next phase of their maturity. However, the truth is that the worry will continue until you change your pattern of thought. To do this, watch the language you use to describe things. Don’t use phrases such as, “this will be a disaster if I don’t get it done on time” or “I’ll die of embarrassment if I forget.”

Also change thoughts of “I have to” to “I want to”. For example, instead of saying “I have to sign the kids up for karate” say, “I want to sign the kids up for karate because I know they’ll love it.”

There is no competition
Parenting sometimes feels like a competition – kid’s grades, extracurricular activities, etc. get put under a microscope. “Are we doing enough? Will our kiddo get into a good college?” It’s important to remember it’s not a competition. Your kiddo is unique and what may work for one family may not work for yours. Are you a single parent with a special needs child? Maybe you don’t want to enroll your kiddo in all kinds extracurricular activities so each night of the week is taken. Do you have multiple kiddos? Maybe they all aren’t enrolled in four sports each. Be balanced. Your kiddo does not need fourteen pages of extracurricular stuff to go to college or trade school.

Practice Mindfulness Exercises
If your anxiety is difficult to control, try deep-breathing from your belly. While you do this, concentrate on five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. This can help calm you when you’re feeling a panic or anxiety attack start to arise.

Use Your Support Network
Call your friends or family to chat or ask for advice. It may also help to vent with a Facebook parenting group or other online message board. Be mindful here, though! Anything said online sticks around – do not vent about your kids or be overly personal about struggles. Your children deserve some respect and privacy and one day they could read what you wrote. Also, people are more likely to say things on social media they’d never say in person – if you’re upset wait awhile before you post! You can also call your therapist and make an appointment and work through your challenges.

Try these tips to control and cope with your anxiety, and enjoy the time with your children free from worry.

If you’re feeling frazzled and like you can’t get out and would like to explore how counseling might be helpful, feel free to reach out to me at 919-891-0525 today for a free, 15-minute phone consultation. I would be happy to explore how I may be able to help you. If we are a good fit, appointments may be scheduled for my Wake Forest counseling office or online.

The post 5 Ways to Cope with Parenting and Anxiety appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

1. Focus on the Children

By maintaining the focus on what’s best for your children, you can work toward providing as peaceful a home as possible for them. Providing them loving stability and structure will help ease them through this time of transition. That means putting your own hurts from the divorce aside when talking to or parenting your kids. Even if that means taking loads of deep breaths if you hear something about which you may not agree.

2. Communication is Essential

As you go through your divorce, your communication with your ex will inevitably suffer. It may be difficult to communicate with him/her; you may not want to talk to, or hear from, your ex. However, it’s important that communication regarding the children is maintained, and that your children are not used as messengers (i.e., “Tell your father you have a recital on Friday”). Communicate directly with your spouse, finding creative ways to communicate to avoid conflict if necessary (text, email, letters, etc.). You can communicate in many ways, such as text or email, if talking in person or on the phone is too challenging.

3. Just the Facts

If you’re harboring resentment or have unfinished emotional business with your ex, the desire to express your emotional needs can feel overwhelming. Make a commitment to yourself that for the sake of your children’s well being, you’ll keep conversations focused on the issues. If you are struggling a lot, consider seeing a therapist and working through those feelings.

4. Embrace Change

As you go through your divorce, there will be a great deal of change for yourself, your ex and your children. By expecting and embracing change, you’ll reduce the stress you feel when the unexpected presents itself. Do not, under any circumstances, speak negatively about your ex to your children. Remember the other person is their parent and they don’t need to feel like they have to choose a loyalty.

5. Prioritize Your Health

Maintaining your health is important not only for you, but for your children as well. As they learn to cope with the changes in their family, having a healthy, happy, rested parent will help them adjust. Your children depend on you, and you owe it to them to give them your absolute best as a parent. Additionally, taking time to exercise and eat healthy will help you take the focus off of your divorce, and shift the focus back on to you moving forward, and making positive changes in your life.

As we go through a divorce, we mourn the relationship lost, and the dreams we had of the future. Although your ex is no longer your partner, your ex is still your child’s parent, and you will always be co-parents of the children you have together. Learning to get along and communicate will bring comfort to your children as they learn to cope with their parents’ divorce.

If you’re going through a divorce and struggling to co-parent effectively, call me today and let’s set up an appointment to talk.

The post Co-Parenting Strategies for Divorced Parents appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

Studies have found that teens who have presented with a mood disorder or who abuse drugs are at the greatest risk of attempting suicide. While research suggests girls attempt suicide more often, boys more often die from it.

Unfortunately, there is still much stigma surrounding depression and suicide, and so often these kids keep their emotional pain to themselves.

What can parents of teenagers do to keep their children safe and healthy?

Speak with Your Kid

Many parents believe that trying to speak with their kids about their moods and feelings will only push them farther away. This is a dangerous misconception. In reality, teenagers need to know they are safe, loved, and cared for.

You may want to begin your conversation by asking general questions about what’s going on in their life. When the time feels right, you can ask if they have ever had thoughts of self-harm. If their answer alarms you, ask specifically if they are planning on or intending to harm themselves. Do not freak out and yell. That is only going to keep them from telling you more. Be concerned, and ask questions. As hard as it is to hear your teen is having these thoughts, it’s so important for you to be a safe place they can share them.

Validate Their Feelings

Once you’ve begun this sensitive dialogue with your teen, it’s important to actively listen and validate their feelings. Your kid must really believe you are a) hearing what they’re telling you and b) recognizing the importance of it. Try and listen without judgement. This will help your child relax and open up, thereby giving you an opportunity to learn even more about their inner emotional life. If you don’t know how to validate someone in this situation without expressing agreement, please reach out so we can explore how I may be able to help in this area (919-891-0525).

Clarify the Situation

If your teen confides they are having thoughts of suicide, it’s incredibly important that you remain calm and ask questions that will help you clarify the situation. You will want to determine if they are mentioning suicide because they:

• Want to tell you just how bad they are feeling.
• Alert you to something they need but are not getting.
• Need to vocalize their desire to stop feeling so many emotions.
• Have actually planned how and when they will take their life.

Seek Professional Guidance

Any talk of suicide is a serious matter and requires professional guidance by a trained therapist, even if you think they aren’t going to make a suicide attempt. It’s important not to force your teen into any treatment plan, but instead, allow them to help direct the course of their plan. Some of their depression might stem from an overall lack of control they feel they have in their own life, so it’s important you let them have a voice in the direction of treatment. You may also find that you will want to speak with someone through this difficult time.

That said, if there is a plan and immediate danger you need to take your teen to the hospital. Keeping them alive long enough so they can help determine the course of treatment is paramount. All threats regarding suicide should be taken seriously. No matter what time of day it is, you can reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. 

If you or a loved one is seeking treatment options for a troubled teen, I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help your family. Reach out to me at 919-891-0525 today for a free, 15-minute consultation. Appointments may be scheduled for my Wake Forest counseling office or online.

The post A Parent’s Guide to Teen Depression and Suicide appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

It turns out that happiness is a big advantage in the real world. According to the study, happy people are more likely to earn a college degree, land a good job with better pay, and get promoted more quickly than unhappy people. So how exactly can you help your teenager transform into a happy and successful adult?

Build Resilience

Part of being happy comes from knowing your own resilience; knowing that when life knocks you down, you’ll get right back up. Resilience isn’t a latent talent, but a skill that can be developed. Some people are more naturally resilient, but anyone can cultivate the skills to make it part of their way of being.

You can help your teen build resilience by teaching them how to put things into perspective. Being able to face challenges and adapt to constant change means recognizing the significance, or insignificance, of life events. Teach your kids not to sweat the small stuff and choose their battles wisely. The teen years offer lots of opportunities for this and, as parents, we want to allow them these experiences. The ability to rebound from a failure or struggle through something in the “low-impact” areas that occur in teen years helps them when much more is on the line in the future.

Instill Productivity

Feelings of accomplishment naturally lead to happiness. We feel good about ourselves when we are productive individuals. You can instill productivity in your child by helping them make decisions on their own over time. The more autonomy an individual has, the more able they are to get things done. That doesn’t mean we don’t set appropriate parameters – we know employers will have parameters that must be followed (like deadlines). So we set boundaries and help teens learn to live within them, while having appropriate autonomy.

It’s also important that you help your teen discover their interests, talents and abilities. People that known their passions and what makes them tick have a knack for reaching goals.

Encourage Independence

It may seem counterintuitive, but teenagers cannot gain independence on their own. They simply don’t have the perspective or experience necessary to separate from you. Independence is actually a gift you give to your children. You can help your teen become more independent by:

• Teaching responsibility – Help your kid have a clear understanding of what is expected of them at home and at school as well as the consequences for not fulfilling those expectations.
• Demand Accountability – Make sure you stick to your guns and see those consequences through to the end. If you don’t hold your child accountable for their own behavior and actions, how will they be able to hold themselves accountable as adults?
• Practice letting go – It’s important not to send mixed signals to your teen during this time. As you help them become more independent, practice letting them go. Be open to stepping back as they step forward.

You and your teenager are embarking on an exciting journey; one with many ups and downs. The best thing you can do is to let your kid know you are there for them and that they can talk to you about anything. Good communication is crucial during this time.

If you could use some help talking with your teenager, consider family therapy. A therapist can facilitate effective communication and offer tools that will help your teen become the adult they are meant to be. If your teen is going through some struggles, he or she may benefit from talking to a therapist individually, as well.

If you’d like to explore therapy with or for your teenager, I would be happy to see how I may be able to help. Call 919-891-0525 today for a free, 15-minute consultation. Appointments may be scheduled for my Wake Forest counseling office or online.. I’d be happy to discuss how I might be able to help you.

The post Helping Your Teenager Transform into a Happy, Well-Rounded Adult appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.