The Impact of Division on Mental Health

Excessive stress, like what many are feeling in today’s divided climate, can affect mental health by adding to feelings of isolation, resentment, and even trauma. People are naturally drawn to communities that share their values; however, even within communities values can be nuanced. The same is true for communities with different values – very rarely does a given community feel exactly same across all people. Fear can increase narrowing in focus, making it hard to places of alignment or similarity. Prolonged periods of high emotions like fear and anger leave our bodies awash in all neurochemistry of fight, flight, and freeze. Our clients who have experienced significant trauma understand the toll that neurochemical cocktail can take on the body and mind. Holding onto anger and bitterness can increase feelings of depression and anxiety.

How Kindness Can Heal Emotional Wounds

Practicing kindness toward those with different beliefs doesn’t mean sacrificing your own values — you do not have to agree with another person to treat them with kindness. Rather, it’s about choosing to see the humanity in others, which can lead to the ability to allow the body and mind to come to a place of rest versus stress. Research shows that acts of kindness increase dopamine and serotonin—neurotransmitters that promote feelings of happiness and calm. When we choose to be kind, even in the face of disagreement, we actively nurture our mental and physical health. In trauma therapy, we often discuss the importance of self-compassion, which involves being gentle with ourselves. Extending that same compassion to others can help foster a sense of connection and shared humanity.

The Psychological Benefits of Letting Go of Anger and Bitterness

Holding onto anger or bitterness can feel like a form of protection and sometimes it anger can be! Anger is powerful and it’s motivating — we take action when we are angry. However, bitterness is highly impactful to your body and does not lead to change in a system that may feel unjust. We often tell our clients that holding on to bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping someone else dies. Studies show that harboring resentment activates the body’s stress response which can lead to physical issues like high blood pressure and a weakened immune system. For trauma survivors who often are dealing with such physical issues holding on to anger and bitterness can further perpetuate the struggle to heal their body. Though releasing bitterness toward others — any other person — is giving the body kindness it needs to continue to heal.

At The Journey and The Process, we guide clients in releasing anger and resentment by practicing mindfulness and empathy. We encourage clients to feel the anger and process it, and release it before it settles in to bitterness. By focusing on what they can control—such as their own reactions—clients often discover a sense of empowerment and inner peace and an increase in emotional resilience. Letting go isn’t about forgetting or condoning actions believed to be harmful; it’s about freeing oneself from the emotional weight of resentment and choosing peace.

Kindness as a Tool for Trauma Recovery

For trauma survivors, kindness can be an incredibly healing practice. Many people who come to therapy have suffered in environments where anger, bitterness, or hostility were part of their experiences and created deep wounds. Practicing kindness—toward yourself and others—helps replace these old patterns with new, healthier habits. We often say we heal when we experience ourselves differently. When we offer kindness, even in difficult moments, we help rewire the brain to feel safe, valued, and capable of compassion.

Choosing kindness also builds emotional resilience, which is essential for trauma recovery. Resilience isn’t about denying our pain or pretending everything is okay; it’s about acknowledging our challenges while continuing to show up with compassion. In our therapy sessions, we often emphasize that resilience comes from being kind to ourselves and others. This approach helps create an environment where individuals can experience personal growth and deeper, more meaningful relationships. It also helps client who choose to stay in relationship with people who may feel very differently than they do.

Practical Tips for Cultivating Kindness Amidst Division

Building kindness into our daily lives can feel challenging when emotions run high. Here are some practical steps that can help nurture kindness and empathy, even when it’s difficult:

1. Practice Active Listening

   Instead of preparing a response, try to really listen to what the other person is saying. If you put yourself in their shoes, is it possible to understand how they might feel as they do or come to the conclusions they have? Active listening shows respect and helps bridge understanding. Even if you disagree, acknowledging another person’s point of view can promote a sense of connection and deepen releationship.

2. Focus on Common Ground

   Most people share certain core values, such as love for family or a desire for peace. Finding these commonalities, rather than focusing on differences, can help foster empathy. In trauma therapy, we often use common ground as a foundation for building trust and connection. It also may surprise you how much sameness there is between people who have differing views.

3. Take Time for Self-Care

   Anger and frustration can feel all-consuming, especially if it is accompanied by fear. Taking time to care for yourself, whether through journaling, meditation, or simply a walk, creates space for kindness. Self-care gives the mind a chance to decompress, making it easier to approach others with patience. When you are engaging in self-care if your mind wanders to the anger, gently and without judgment refocus on the activity. You may have to do this many times and that’s okay! The more you practice, the more adept you will at refocusing your mind.

4. Use Positive Self-Talk

   Remind yourself that you don’t have to win every argument or prove your point. Kindness toward yourself can spill over into kindness toward others. Phrases like “I don’t need to agree with everyone” or “I can choose peace” can help redirect energy away from anger.

5. Set Boundaries if Necessary

   Kindness doesn’t mean accepting harmful behaviors or subjecting yourself to toxic environments. If a person with an opposing viewpoint cannot be kind or treat you with respect, you can set boundaries. Boundaries are a healthy way to preserve your peace while remaining compassionate. This can look like limiting exposure to certain conversations or politely redirecting discussions.

The Role of Forgiveness in Releasing Anger

Forgiveness plays a critical role in letting go of resentment and choosing kindness and is a hallmark of expanding emotional resilience. This doesn’t mean forgetting past hurts but instead choosing not to let them control our emotions. Forgiveness helps trauma survivors regain power over their narratives, allowing them to move forward without carrying the heavy burden of bitterness. Studies show that forgiveness reduces blood pressure, stress, and the risk of mental health challenges. In our therapy practice, we encourage clients to view forgiveness as a gift to themselves.

Final Thoughts: Embracing Kindness in a Divided World

Choosing kindness in a divided world is both a challenge and an opportunity for healing. At The Journey and The Process, we believe that kindness isn’t a passive act but a powerful choice that fosters resilience and growth. By letting go of anger and bitterness, we can experience greater peace, mental clarity, and emotional resilience.

As we navigate these divisive times, let’s remember that kindness doesn’t require agreement—it requires compassion. By extending understanding to ourselves and others, we can create an environment that fosters healing and connection. If you are struggling with building greater emotional resilience and could use support, we are here to help. Reach out for a free, 15-minute consultation and help your body and mind find peace and calm in a sometimes angry and divided world.

The post Emotional Resilience – Increasing it by Finding Kindness Amidst Division appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.

So, what can you do when you find yourself feeling anger unexpectedly? Below are some strategies to help you keep your calm and respond appropriately.

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
When you’re caught off guard with anger, you might start to feel defensive or emotional and not immediately know why. Before you do or say anything, assess your feelings and acknowledge that you’re angry, and what is the likely cause of the anger. “Our children got in a fight her child started, and she’s wrongfully blaming my daughter.”

2. Take a Breath
As you acknowledge you’re upset, stop and take a breath. Put physical distance between you and the other person by taking a couple of steps back.

3. Be Curious Instead of Furious
If you have difficulty controlling your anger, it can be all too easy to jump instantly into furious mode and unleash your anger. Instead of being angry, be curious. Consider why this person is behaving this way, or saying these things. Maybe they had a bad morning or heard some upsetting news.

4. It’s Not Personal
Remind yourself that this isn’t personal to you. Oftentimes when people are behaving inappropriately or saying hurtful things, it’s because of things going on with them in their own lives. Practice reminding yourself that it’s not personal to you.

5. Use “I” Statements
When you’re upset, it might not always be appropriate to respond. Sometimes it’s best to just walk away. But if you do need to say something, focus on the behavior you find unacceptable without placing blame. Talk specifically about your feelings and the effect of the behavior on you. By communicating without placing blame, you are more likely to be understood and work toward a resolution, rather than putting the other person on defense and starting a conflict.

If you’re still feeling upset after a difficult exchange, try calling a friend to vent, write your feelings down in a letter you’ll never send, or do some exercise. Go for a walk, or join a friend for spin class. Do something nice for yourself later, like cooking a special dinner or taking a hot bath. When it comes to anger, remember that in the long run it’s best for you to control it, rather than allow it to control you.

Are you struggling with anger and finding it’s decimating relationships? If so, feel free to reach out to me at 919-891-0525 today for a free, 15-minute phone consultation. I would be happy to explore how I may be able to help you. If we are a good fit, appointments may be scheduled for my Wake Forest counseling office or online.

The post Stepping Back from the Edge: How to Deal with Anger in the Moment appeared first on Tabitha Westbrook.